Already this morning I�ve had a handful of experiences that have caused me to feel a variety of emotions. First of all, it seemed as if I was SURROUNDED by SUVs for my entire commute to work. Most of them had little jesus fish on the back, and I couldn�t help but be sickened by all of the middle-class mom-types I saw driving them. Do I define people by their cars? No, not exactly. But, stereotypes have their merit, and everyone I know personally who drives one of those status-announcing gas-guzzlers, happens to fit the bill to a fucking T .

In other news, I heard the West Hollywood lifestyle version of Mr. Lynch�s song, �Whatever,� and I laughed out loud. Even better than the Bush parody you catch on the radio, this was fun, and I swear, everything that boy said, I�ve heard before right here in Hillcrest. Instead of saying the word fast and hard, the gay boy dragged it out like a woman on a talk show, What � EHVEEER. That�s some funny shit right there.

I have issues. It took going back to school for me to realize what a fucking basket case I am. All it takes is a daunting assignment and a later-than-I-like hour, and I break down! I can�t tell you why I get so overwhelmed and stressed over a thing as small as one assignment. I honestly don�t know where this stems from. I need to get over this feeling that it�s impossible to do a good job and stay sane, or else I�ll just manifest my fears about failing and lose my mind in the process. M.s. has had his share of seeing me in this state. Probably more than anyone else has, which is unsettling. Why? Because when no one sees you freak out, it�s like it didn�t happen.

When someone does� let�s just say it�s easier for you to deny stupid little things about yourself when no one is around to see them. It�s easy to indulge in fears, stress and worry when no one is telling you that it�s not worth it to fear, stress, and worry. I wonder now, how much time and energy I spend pissed off and overwhelmed. In the meantime, I�m just going to try and get homework done one assignment at a time, and I�m going to try to remember that it�s JUST a class. And that even if I think both my professor and her assignments are a fucking joke, I�m only helping myself by doing them and moving onto the next.

Is it the next yet?

-Barbarella

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