Today�s the day! I just KNOW I�m going to get my palm pilot! It�s not like I�ll have any time to charge it up and play, though. I have errands to run during lunch and after work I go straight to school for the evening. My schedule is so busy I won�t even have time to jot it down in my new organizer! Oh, the irony.
Last night I wrote a paper for class. I wish I didn�t get so overwhelmed and frustrated every time I start an assignment. It�s like I feel retarded, incapable, not willing, angry, and then, simply pathetic, because I know that once I get on a roll, I�ll be able to write. I write every day, whether it�s updating this web site, creating letters or legal documents, or jotting thoughts down on paper, I�m writing. So why is it so daunting when I have a homework assignment that calls for me to write? Because the subject is new to me, and I find some new things quite daunting. Nearly impossible. I�m working on it, I am. The paper is done, and it only took me an hour or so to write it. It was the 30 minutes before I started that were hell.
But shit, some popular performers get stage fright, despite the fact that they�re loved by their fans and they�ve gone up there a million times. Some things are just ingrained. The test comes when we decide to do something and try to do it well despite those ingrained fears and emotions. I think I�m getting there, but then again, I�m VERY protective of myself. Sweet perception, keep me wrapped in this bubble in which I am perfection and life is merely a playground for me to frolic in.
Work is BUSY. I guess it always is, but yesterday was particularly fast-paced. This whole week promises to be, and each day my task list grows larger, despite the many things I�m constantly checking off of it. For every one task I check off my list, two or more are there to replace it. I don�t feel stressed, it makes the day go by very quickly. The pressure comes when superiors expect it all to be done at once, unrealistic expectations forced upon me, things like that. Daily, I remind myself to suck it up and do one (or two) things at a time, the only way to get anything done.
I love the cloudy sky. It�s dark and cool outside. The gray somehow makes the green trees look greener, the contrast is beautiful to me. My lips are red. My tea is hot. The sky is gray. But I am not.
Today is going to be a good day. My choices will reflect my decision to have a good day today. Knowing that assures me that if my day is bad, I have only myself and poor choices to blame. As I hate to take blame, my incentive is effective.
I hope you decide to have a good day too.
-Barbarella
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