�We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them.� - Carl Jung

Writing so late in the day. Man, it�s been a long one! I am in need of a little break. But alas, I have homework to do. So after work, I will crawl into my bed with my kitties, my laptop, and my ugly brown school book. Perhaps not so ugly, I mean, it does match my dress suit today.

I got very stressed this morning over something that had not happened, something that may not even happen, something that I was creating in my head. I have a tendency to do that. It reminds me of this quote by a guy named Hale, �Never bear more than one kind of trouble at a time. Some people bear three kinds; all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to have.� I�m a two-trouble sort of gal. Usually stressing about things yet to come (otherwise known as a �worry-wart,� flattering as that sounds).

I knew I would have an interaction with someone today regarding a case. Every past interaction with this person has left me feeling some pretty ugly feelings - anger, frustration, resentment, stress, etc. Just knowing that I would have to deal with her, I automatically felt flustered, upset, stressed, angry... but nothing had happened yet! There were no rude comments or accusations, fuck, I hadn�t even HEARD from her, but there I was, heart beating fast, upset and freaked out.

I did deal with her, and it was no big deal. She had some digs, sure, but that�s what she does and that�s why no one is working with her and why after this case, I will no longer be forced to work with her. But they didn�t kill me. Annoying abrasions to my pride, if anything. I can handle that. Abrasions are fine. The old Chinese proverb says a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials. I remember that when I am freaking out. I try to remember that when I�m stressing out over something that hasn�t even happened, something that may never happen.

All I�m doing is wasting my energy when I worry about the future. All I�m doing is wasting my time when I worry about the past. So I�m going to continue focusing on right now. And right now, I need to get the hell out of this office and home to hit the books. Because right now, I�m working on getting my degree so that I don�t have to worry so much about my future.

-Barbarella

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