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2004-02-18

The Locked Box

�A bit beyond perception�s reach / I sometimes believe I see / that life is two locked boxes / each containing the other�s key.� - Piet Hein

Yes, that describes my professional life at this time. No matter how hard I work each day, there is always more to do, and something done was done improperly, according to at least one person at any given time. M.s. told me, �just keep swimming, just keep swimming,� echoing Dory , our favorite fish from Finding Nemo.

Frustration can be debilitating. Lack of control chips away at my motivation. Stress has become a fixture on the wall in my office. School is going great. I�ve received a perfect score on every presentation and every paper in this class. The last comment on my last paper was, �where do we go from here?� This is what happens when you are a better writer than your instructors. I caught a few mistakes and grammatical twists after re-reading my �perfect paper.� Hmm. Some of it just has to do with preference, I guess. I�m sure they read more for content than style anyway.

It�s like two fucking extremes here. At school, I can do no wrong, and every assignment I complete is literally the �best� that these teachers have seen, and I�ve actually been told that by more than one of them. Then, there is work. Everything I do here is inept, incomplete, needs to be reworded, re-written, re-packaged, re-done. I can do nothing right, and every day I am lectured on the importance of whatever-fuckup-the-day-has-brought-to-us. The more I learn about management, the more I realize the company I work for is poorly managed. Tragically so. This, too, is a frustration. Anywhere where you have employees who have been around for over 10 years, you are bound to have people settled into their ways and resistant to change.

Here I come, new ideas, new concepts, varied experience, and I can�t apply it anywhere. I would settle for getting through a day with the feeling, the recognition, of having done something well. Something is amiss on one side of this extreme. If I am such a stellar student, how is it possible to be such a poor employee? Either I am being graded way too easy at school, or expectations at the office are painfully unrealistic.

I�d be happy with a middle ground for now. Until I figure out where I�m going and what the hell I�ll be doing, I�m stuck with what I�m doing NOW, and I need to make the best of it before I can move on to any other place in life.

Today, I will sit in my locked box and continue to attempt to carve a key from the wood around me with the tools I have at my disposal.

-Barbarella

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2007-05-19
NEW SITE!!!!

2007-05-16
Links and Update

2007-05-09
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2007-05-06
Yes, Even MORE new pictures

2007-05-06
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The Locked Box 2004-02-18 8:49 a.m. �A bit beyond perception�s reach / I sometimes believe I see / that life is two locked boxes / each containing the other�s key.� - Piet Hein

Yes, that describes my professional life at this time. No matter how hard I work each day, there is always more to do, and something done was done improperly, according to at least one person at any given time. M.s. told me, �just keep swimming, just keep swimming,� echoing Dory , our favorite fish from Finding Nemo.

Frustration can be debilitating. Lack of control chips away at my motivation. Stress has become a fixture on the wall in my office. School is going great. I�ve received a perfect score on every presentation and every paper in this class. The last comment on my last paper was, �where do we go from here?� This is what happens when you are a better writer than your instructors. I caught a few mistakes and grammatical twists after re-reading my �perfect paper.� Hmm. Some of it just has to do with preference, I guess. I�m sure they read more for content than style anyway.

It�s like two fucking extremes here. At school, I can do no wrong, and every assignment I complete is literally the �best� that these teachers have seen, and I�ve actually been told that by more than one of them. Then, there is work. Everything I do here is inept, incomplete, needs to be reworded, re-written, re-packaged, re-done. I can do nothing right, and every day I am lectured on the importance of whatever-fuckup-the-day-has-brought-to-us. The more I learn about management, the more I realize the company I work for is poorly managed. Tragically so. This, too, is a frustration. Anywhere where you have employees who have been around for over 10 years, you are bound to have people settled into their ways and resistant to change.

Here I come, new ideas, new concepts, varied experience, and I can�t apply it anywhere. I would settle for getting through a day with the feeling, the recognition, of having done something well. Something is amiss on one side of this extreme. If I am such a stellar student, how is it possible to be such a poor employee? Either I am being graded way too easy at school, or expectations at the office are painfully unrealistic.

I�d be happy with a middle ground for now. Until I figure out where I�m going and what the hell I�ll be doing, I�m stuck with what I�m doing NOW, and I need to make the best of it before I can move on to any other place in life.

Today, I will sit in my locked box and continue to attempt to carve a key from the wood around me with the tools I have at my disposal.