God, I have so much going on in my head right now, I may have to segment my entries. Ah, to practice the art of concise and succinct writing. Anyway, I've got three things on my mind. Friends, men, and mom.

First of all, friends. One of the downsides of being ecclectic with people and having many acquaintances and friends, is that it is impossible for all of them to like each other as much as I like each of them. I tend to get caught in the middle, and that's a tight spot that I find extremely uncomfortable. Yesterday I had some girlfriends over, I was unpacking in my new place (God, what a relief it is to be surrounded by my things again). Recently, 2 of my friends in particular (though this is happening with more than 2), have gone their separate ways socially.

I'll call them S & L. Funny, those are the first two letters in my favorite term of the month, slut bunny. But I digress. S wants nothing to do with L. L would love to be close again with S. There are many reasons as to why S wants nothing to do with L, and some of those reasons she attributes to me. Tough spot for me when L asks why S doesn't return calls. My response is to shrug my shoulders and say that sometimes doors close and sometimes doors open. It's not my place to relay things that S has said to me in confidence. If someone shares something with me, that's just what they're doing - SHARING something with ME. A thought, a feeling, some kind of expression. They're not posting an article in the social newsletter.

So S was over last night, and L stopped by unannounced, which at least as I'm moving in and getting settled, I don't mind. Things were fine, because there were other people there, buffers I guess. But the distance between S & L was noticeable.

It's also not my place to tell S that she should explain herself to L. I've been in that situation myself. Sometimes, people can put you off in so many little ways, and you decide that to explain to them how many times they've crossed the line or offended you or abused a friendship takes much more energy than you're willing to expend on a relationship you don't wish to salvage.

This just happened to me. On Friday, a friend of mine mentioned that he got a call from someone I knew in LA, someone I ended up not making time for through all the change in my life. She told him that she was in town and wanted to see me, see how I was doing, etc. I can appreciate that. I have nothing against this person. AND, I have no other feelings toward this person. I told the message man, my friend B, that I had no interest in tracking her down and appeasing her curiosity. He seemed taken aback. He said that I should call, even if just to say that I was too busy or didn't care to talk to her.

Now, here's that line again. He said that I should call. Why? To try to convince her that I don't hate her? To hear an update and get an update and dance around awkwardness while I try to explain that I just don't have time for her to come see me? It would take more time than I'm willing to spend just to explain to her that I have no time.

If I saw her again, at a party, on the street, wherever, I would be very receptive. I would give her a hug and ask how she's doing, and I would really care about the answer. But I'm not going to interrupt my priorities or compromise myself by jumping her to the top of my list when I have no intention of keeping her there.

I understand what S is going through, and I'm not going to tell her that she should explain anything to L right now. If it gets weird, they're adults and they can deal.

Geez, that's a lot of words. I'll have to get to men & mom later today.

-Barbarella

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