Yesterday I went up to Costa Mesa for a business meeting. One of my coworkers volunteered to drive up there, something I was surprised I conceded to, because I�m usually a control freak about having my car with me at all times, coming and going on my terms. My fears were almost realized. Not 5 minutes after getting there, this woman who drove me walks back into the conference room and announces that she flushed her keys down the toilet. Yes, flushed her keys DOWN the TOILET. When we were all finished laughing, we asked her how the hell that was possible. I mean, WHO flushes their KEYS down the toilet? �Well, I was reaching to flush, and they fell out of a hole in my pocket, got sucked right in!� The plumber couldn�t get them. These were powerful friggin� flushers. I didn�t believe her, but I went myself to check it out, and man, you could lose an arm in there if you�re not careful. Anyway, I eventually made it back, she had to pay the locksmith to come and make here another key. Hee hee. Silly girl.

Last night I got all emotional. I wasn�t sure what spurred it on, I�ve been very pensive lately, a lot going on in my noggin. My mother�s birthday was yesterday, and we (her 4 daughters) took her out to dinner last night. Sitting down, while I was composing her card, I just started crying. I wanted to say nice things, I wanted to make her feel good. But at the same time, I felt so insincere. We haven�t really talked in a long time, and the last time we had anything resembling a conversation, it was in the form of a one-sided argument � her arguing, me listening. I didn�t want to think about it, so I just sat there, card in lap, and waited until my eyes had exhausted the saline supply in my tear ducts. When I felt finally purged of emotion for the moment, I wrote some beautiful and loving words into the card that would make any mother cry in Hallmark.

Dinner was nice, it�s always great to hang with my sisters, when the 4 of us get together, it�s crazy-fun. We have a way of complementing each other, some unseen energy that we feed on, until we are in some hysterical frenzy. In other words, they�re a shit-load of fun. Little side note, my mom was talking about a doctor she didn�t like, who was examining her feet and said something inappropriate, so she wanted to find a new doctor. Now, she has a tendency to be melodramatic, so I said, �What could have been so inappropriate, what�d he say, �is that a corn on your tit or is your nipple just happy to see me�?� It didn�t even make sense, but we all had a good, hard laugh about it. She didn�t understand the joke anyway. My mother seemed vapid, distant, she was there, but only on a surface level. Something I�ve grown accustomed to, so I just ignored it and enjoyed myself, paid for her, myself, and one of my sisters, and headed out to meet a friend.

The rest of my night was a blast. I went to see A Very Babbette Christmas, this show put on once a year by Babbette Schwartz, a famous drag queen who also owns a chain of stores, there�s one here in Hillcrest. The show was great, amazing costumes, of course, what do you expect of drag queens? I remember one song, Rudolph the Deep Throat Reindeer. One line that almost made me spit my drink, was �My wife tonight is on the rag, so suck my dick, you reindeer fag!� Maybe I was laughing so hard because my good friend who took me there was wearing big reindeer antlers. Hee hee. So, fun time, when the show was over, I went to have a cocktail at some guys� house that we met while there. It was fun, a lot of laughing and talking, and then I walked home, they only live across the street from me. I love living in a central location.

So things are better in my head today, I got a call from a friend in LA who may be visiting this weekend, and old fuck-friend, if you will. I think that�s exactly what I need right about now. A good, goddamn romp. Some man-handling would do me mighty fine.

-Barbarella

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