Meditation was amazing last night. I guess it helps to have a million things on your mind, but regardless, I think it was the best ever. The theme was, change your perception, change your life. One sentence that stuck with me for the rest of the evening was: the problem is not that you are losing your job, the problem is that you think you shouldn�t be. This can work with ANY situation. The problem is not that your mate is leaving you, it�s that you think they shouldn�t be.

It sounded harsh at first. But the point is that things could be happening for a reason, and it�s only through change that we can grow and learn more about ourselves and those around us. Personally, when there is a big change in my life, at first, I freak out. I don�t want to move from the comfortable little space that I�m in, I don�t want to LOSE anything. Then I go through it, or am pushed through it by whatever circumstances surround me. It�s hard, sometimes it hurts, but despite the severity of any crisis, I manage to live through it. And when the earthquake is over, everything that was flying through the air around me falls back down, in a different order than it was in before drama began.

And looking around, I can�t imagine having everything back where it was before. It just wouldn�t work there anymore. Suddenly, there is a beauty to the new order, and it feels so right for where I am now, how I feel now, how I see things now. This tumultuous times to peaceful rest process has happened so many times in my life that I can now recognize the earthquake as it approaches, I can put a name to it as it�s happening. And because of that, I can go through it with a smile on my face, because I know that whatever crisis or incident is happening, it�s happening because I needed it to in order to get to the next step. I mean, we never change when things are going great, we wouldn�t do that to ourselves. Sometimes, though, even when things seem great, a change needs to be made for whatever reason, and that�s when the earthquake comes � whether we wanted it to or not. This is what I like to think of as the miracle of change.

Another thing the speaker brought up was his relationship with his mother. Hello, I can SO relate to this. He mentioned how she was always disapproving, always negative, for whatever reasons she had and couldn�t share. People would tell him that he had to put up with her, because she�s his mother. His response was, Why? Yes! I thought, why? There really is no good answer to that question. And I noticed this pattern in other relationships that I have with all kinds of people; they do something, I�m angry, we make up, they do something, I�m angry, we make up. But they keep doing something. And I keep getting angry, and I keep showing up, giving a silent message that this is okay with me.

The solution is simple. It�s like people who bitch and moan about a stupid TV show, rather than simply changing the channel. I can leave. I can change my channel by walking away. No drama attached, no big scene, just simply removing myself from the situation. It�s not written anywhere that we have to put up with bullshit because we�ve made some kind of commitment to someone in our lives. So many of us think that the person or the relationship is WORTH the negativity. But more and more I�m realizing that nothing, nobody is worth anything that keeps me from loving.

It�s like something I wrote in a poem once: if keeping them means losing myself, my choice is me. It�s that simple.

-Barbarella

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