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2000-12-19

Reality

Nothing much to talk about today, I took another day off of work, just wasn't ready to go back, I guess. That'll happen. I find that most of the days I miss are Mondays and Tuesdays, always after a big weekend. Bad girl. Yes, I'm so bad.

I had a friend come over last night, I hadn't seen her in two years, we went to high school together. It was comfortable, nice to see her. She came out of the closet four or five years ago, and brought her current girlfriend over last night. One thing I love about old friends, is that it seems that no matter how long you go without seeing them, you can pick things up right where you left off with no weirdness. That's exactly what happened. She came over, her girlfriend was very nice, nothing but good vibes, and we all hung out, my sister also had some friends over.

I like to call that a social success. Christmas is this weekend, I haven't even started to shop. Sometimes, I just want the world to go away, every event, every person, everything that I'm just not ready to handle at a particular time. Just go away, you know? I want to have a day to sit and reflect on life before I just jump right back into it. It's to easy to get carried away when you've got so much going on around you. Like Dorothy in the tornado, just lifted off our feet and tossed about, trying to hold onto anything tangible yet managing still to chase after attractive illusions and pretty ideas that are flying around with you in the sky.

My father went to New York for the week. He's coming back on Christmas day, to spend time with all of us at my mother's house. That should be interesting. You know, it's sick, but I actually enjoy awkward situations sometimes. I like to observe people as they wade through the muck of discomfort. Not because I get some sadistic pleasure out of it, but because each time it happens, I find that I either learn something or can share something to help lead people through the dark situation, resulting in everyone hanging out together in illuminated circumstances. It's like a little triumph, each time we all survive something that we thought would kill some small part of us in some way.

So tomorrow, I'm back to work, back on the ball, balancing things as I always have and trying not to fall as I juggle the aspects of my life. For now, I'm going to allow myself another selfish day, one in which I pretend to have no responsibilities, no obligations, nothing to do but prance about capriciously as if no one could be affected by anything I do or don't do. Wouldn't that be nice. Wouldn't that be liberating.

But then I realize, that if that were the case, what a lonely life I would lead. I love that people are affected by what I do. What I say, how I do something. There is a quote attributed to Emerson, though no existing proof that he wrote it, however I love Emerson and would like to believe it is his. It's about success. And at the end of a paragraph he supposedly wrote about what success means to him, he writes, "to know that one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

And that's what always takes me back to reality, pulls me down from the clouds I drift off to in my daydreams and shows me the rewards that exist right here on earth with the people around me. And I realize also that some rewards and joys in reality far surpass any we could conjur in fantasy. And in that, I am filled with warmth, and therefore, sated and appreciative of all this that I have. All this I had the audacity to try and leave for a place in my mind. All this that I now come home to, resting my head in the bosom of life, with a smile on my face.

-Barbarella

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2007-05-19
NEW SITE!!!!

2007-05-16
Links and Update

2007-05-09
Two Links

2007-05-06
Yes, Even MORE new pictures

2007-05-06
Mizz Asshole

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Reality 2000-12-19 19:13:01 Nothing much to talk about today, I took another day off of work, just wasn't ready to go back, I guess. That'll happen. I find that most of the days I miss are Mondays and Tuesdays, always after a big weekend. Bad girl. Yes, I'm so bad.

I had a friend come over last night, I hadn't seen her in two years, we went to high school together. It was comfortable, nice to see her. She came out of the closet four or five years ago, and brought her current girlfriend over last night. One thing I love about old friends, is that it seems that no matter how long you go without seeing them, you can pick things up right where you left off with no weirdness. That's exactly what happened. She came over, her girlfriend was very nice, nothing but good vibes, and we all hung out, my sister also had some friends over.

I like to call that a social success. Christmas is this weekend, I haven't even started to shop. Sometimes, I just want the world to go away, every event, every person, everything that I'm just not ready to handle at a particular time. Just go away, you know? I want to have a day to sit and reflect on life before I just jump right back into it. It's to easy to get carried away when you've got so much going on around you. Like Dorothy in the tornado, just lifted off our feet and tossed about, trying to hold onto anything tangible yet managing still to chase after attractive illusions and pretty ideas that are flying around with you in the sky.

My father went to New York for the week. He's coming back on Christmas day, to spend time with all of us at my mother's house. That should be interesting. You know, it's sick, but I actually enjoy awkward situations sometimes. I like to observe people as they wade through the muck of discomfort. Not because I get some sadistic pleasure out of it, but because each time it happens, I find that I either learn something or can share something to help lead people through the dark situation, resulting in everyone hanging out together in illuminated circumstances. It's like a little triumph, each time we all survive something that we thought would kill some small part of us in some way.

So tomorrow, I'm back to work, back on the ball, balancing things as I always have and trying not to fall as I juggle the aspects of my life. For now, I'm going to allow myself another selfish day, one in which I pretend to have no responsibilities, no obligations, nothing to do but prance about capriciously as if no one could be affected by anything I do or don't do. Wouldn't that be nice. Wouldn't that be liberating.

But then I realize, that if that were the case, what a lonely life I would lead. I love that people are affected by what I do. What I say, how I do something. There is a quote attributed to Emerson, though no existing proof that he wrote it, however I love Emerson and would like to believe it is his. It's about success. And at the end of a paragraph he supposedly wrote about what success means to him, he writes, "to know that one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

And that's what always takes me back to reality, pulls me down from the clouds I drift off to in my daydreams and shows me the rewards that exist right here on earth with the people around me. And I realize also that some rewards and joys in reality far surpass any we could conjur in fantasy. And in that, I am filled with warmth, and therefore, sated and appreciative of all this that I have. All this I had the audacity to try and leave for a place in my mind. All this that I now come home to, resting my head in the bosom of life, with a smile on my face.