So many things to write about today, where to begin. Well, I�ll start with the drama, then get to the good stuff. Drama. I know I�ve mentioned before how I attract it, yet how it always seems to be other people going through it, never me directly. There was drama with my work awhile ago, a temp who was in an abusive relationship, one that followed her to the office � physically. Now? My manager just called, she missed work yesterday for personal reasons, and was letting me know that she won�t be back until Tuesday or Wednesday.

I won�t go into detail here, but her personal drama surrounds a drug-addicted ex, father of one of her children, who is having issues with custody. So, she had to �go out of town.� I can�t place an opinion on her situation, because I can, in no way, relate to it. The only irrational people I�ve ever �had� to deal with are family members. My mother, a few sisters, here and there, depending on their circumstances. Any time I�ve been presented with an irrational person, a violent person, a person of drama, into my personal life� well, I quickly turn the other way. They don�t stay around, I don�t call or return calls, I tell them simply to �go away�.

So this? I don�t understand it. How women fall in love (more like �fall in stupid) with these losers, and they feel the need to take care of them. And they believe their lies, and they want to believe that they can be the sole reason for rehabilitation. I don�t believe in rehabilitation. I really don�t. I know, I always get the democratic backlash to that declaration, any crowd, especially my sisters and friends. I guess when it comes to the whole �victim mentality� and �poor people, they�ve been through so much, they don�t know how to choose right from wrong�, my opinion is that people bring their drama on themselves. They just do. There are so many people who feel that if someone is a convicted criminal who had a bad upbringing, a perpetual drug-abuser who is prone to violence and crime, or any other number of society dregs, that they should not be held accountable for their actions. That they are victims of a million other things, excluding themselves, when truly, I believe they are only victims in their own minds, which is a mentality that removes responsibility and makes it easier to rationalize choosing wrong over right. My father went to a convention a few months ago, something held to raise money for jail programs, etc. He said, �Everyone present wore a tampon on their chest for their bleeding hearts.�

I�m not saying that I agree with him. I�m just giving you another way to look at things. Anyway, I could go on and on about my opinion of scum and the people who love to bathe in it, but I wanted to write of other things.

I had a lot of fun last night. More fun at this club than I�ve had in a long time. There were just a lot of cool fucking people there. And, it�s the first time I�ve been there with my friend, S, who just moved down here, in years! Good times, good times. Speaking of fucking, though, it was interesting running into some old faces. Ran into Greek-Italian guy, this masseur who I went home with a few times, ages ago. First time I went to his place, half-way through our fooling-around, he whipped out a box of dildos. I mean, a BOX of dildos, like the cardboard kind of box. And the dildos? All kinds. So, he was fun a few times, but I quickly tired of his routine and ceased all conversation with him. Last time I saw him at the club (we�re both regulars, that doesn�t help me much), he was pushing for me to go home with him. I ended up poking him in the chest, hard, and saying �No. It�s not going to happen, I�m no longer interested in you, go the fuck away.� He was humbled momentarily, told me to call him sometime and left me be. But last night, he kept asking again, kept trying to touch me, it was almost laughable (if it wasn�t so annoying, I would have been laughing).

I simply avoided him and said no, like talking to a fucking puppy with that one, a puppy that�s begging at the table and you have to say, �No� I said, NO! Alright, that�s it, you�re going outside�� You know? Annoying. Most times, no does mean no. I�ll admit, in sexual situations, I�ve said no, I don�t think so, and really meant yes. But it was there in my inflection and the twinkle in my eyes, that little unspoken, �okay, do it� my mouth says No, but you know that�s only because I can�t admit to my Yes right now.� But that is rare. And it is reserved for women who are experienced in the art of eye-contact, such as myself. Don�t try it at home.

In addition to that annoying prick, there was this other guy, I ran into him 3 or 4 weeks ago, wrote about him in my �sub rosa� entry. He was all over me at the beginning of the night, he�s nice and doting, that�s for sure, good looking, sexy in his own right. But at that point, too much in my space. And I might have been interested, but I have this morsel who�s been in my sites as of late, and when he arrived, I tired of the doting, PDA boy. (For those of you who are beginners, PDA means Public Display of Affection.) I told him to go away, and he respected my need for space, realizing that I was apparently preoccupied with another, and he was just wasting his time.

Anyway, overall, the night was awesome. My friends are great, gorgeous, hilarious, learned, fun-loving, the whole lot of them. They make me happy. God, how I love to go out.

-Barbarella

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