Stories My Blog Photos Links About me

2001-01-29

Nipples and Family Drama

Last night I lactated. I know, I know, What?! Lactation? Is she pregnant? No, not pregnant, I�m sure of that, but lactation? Yes. I was in the middle of my right-before-bed ritual of brushing my teeth topless and saying, �Hey, you�ve got boobs!� to myself in the mirror. That�s when I noticed� Hello? What�s this? A milky white bead of creamy liquid on my right nipple? I looked down in awe. Where did this come from? I�ve heard of random lactation, but that kind of stuff never happened to ME. Hee hee.

So, as any normal woman did, I squeezed my nipple. Lo and behold, 2 more beads of this substance, this mother�s milk from one who has hardly contemplated the idea of birthing, emerged out of said-nipple. By the time it donned on me to taste the stuff, I was already fresh out. Didn�t stop me from trying though, as I lifted my breast and bent my head to try to suckle something out of this toy with a seemingly new use. Didn�t taste anything abnormal, just skin. I immediately moved to my left, gotta give the girl attention, and I have this symmetry obsession anyway (even it out, you know). Nothing there, just nipple. Oh well, I thought, we tried. Off to bed.

I had a tough weekend. You know, the one thing I miss about living in LA? Freedom from obligation and expectations. Particularly coming from the direction of my family. It�s so much easier to say, �Sorry, too much going on, can�t drive down this weekend,� than it is to say, �I prefer to spend time with my friends and go out socializing than watching a movie with you.� They take it so personally. I don�t know how to communicate the fact that it�s possible for a person to prefer doing something that doesn�t involve someone in their life. It�s possible for me to want to be with my friends and love my family just the same. It�s like a married couple: if each isn�t allowed their space, the ability to continue growing and learning from new and different people, then that marriage is not going to last.

I feel like I need a separation from my sister in that regard. I get such a hard time for making the choices I make that don�t coincide with her wants and needs. If this was a friend of mine, I�d say fuck off. Don�t need it. But she�s my sister, and I love her, and I understand she�s coming from a place of loneliness and hurt. She thinks that I would rather be with my friends than her. That�s not true. I would rather be doing something around people than sitting on my ass. I love people. I�m addicted to people. Every new face, new voice, like euphoria jolting into me as I pick up something new, see something different for the first time.

And what I don�t understand, is why would anyone who loves me want to take that away? And only for the silly reason that they are bored and need company and entertaining? I know if my mother and my sister had friends, this wouldn�t be an issue. It would be different if they had their own lives and actually made plans with me, rather than expecting me to drop everything when they�re available, which is almost all the time. My sister actually got mad at me for going to my weekly meditation when I had the opportunity that night to go to dinner with her and my mother. I said, �I fucking live with you. This is my weekly medicine, a thing I love, a social and spiritual event.� Her reaction? �Whatever. You go every week and you can�t miss one fucking night for your family? Fuck you then.�

How the hell am I supposed to come back at that? Ah, whatever, this is just frustrating me. I�m just going to have to wait it out. Eventually, something has to click in her head. I love her to death, but if this continues, it�s not written in stone that I have to support her and I won�t hesitate to send her back to Mom�s house so she can then move out on her own and learn a little about life. I was supporting myself at 18. She�s 21. It�s time to grow up.

-Barbarella

previous | next

2007-05-19
NEW SITE!!!!

2007-05-16
Links and Update

2007-05-09
Two Links

2007-05-06
Yes, Even MORE new pictures

2007-05-06
Mizz Asshole

Copyright � 2004 divabarbarella.com All Rights Reserved about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!


San Diego Bloggers

Subscribe to BarbarellasBookClub
Powered by groups.yahoo.com
Nipples and Family Drama 2001-01-29 14:20:56 Last night I lactated. I know, I know, What?! Lactation? Is she pregnant? No, not pregnant, I�m sure of that, but lactation? Yes. I was in the middle of my right-before-bed ritual of brushing my teeth topless and saying, �Hey, you�ve got boobs!� to myself in the mirror. That�s when I noticed� Hello? What�s this? A milky white bead of creamy liquid on my right nipple? I looked down in awe. Where did this come from? I�ve heard of random lactation, but that kind of stuff never happened to ME. Hee hee.

So, as any normal woman did, I squeezed my nipple. Lo and behold, 2 more beads of this substance, this mother�s milk from one who has hardly contemplated the idea of birthing, emerged out of said-nipple. By the time it donned on me to taste the stuff, I was already fresh out. Didn�t stop me from trying though, as I lifted my breast and bent my head to try to suckle something out of this toy with a seemingly new use. Didn�t taste anything abnormal, just skin. I immediately moved to my left, gotta give the girl attention, and I have this symmetry obsession anyway (even it out, you know). Nothing there, just nipple. Oh well, I thought, we tried. Off to bed.

I had a tough weekend. You know, the one thing I miss about living in LA? Freedom from obligation and expectations. Particularly coming from the direction of my family. It�s so much easier to say, �Sorry, too much going on, can�t drive down this weekend,� than it is to say, �I prefer to spend time with my friends and go out socializing than watching a movie with you.� They take it so personally. I don�t know how to communicate the fact that it�s possible for a person to prefer doing something that doesn�t involve someone in their life. It�s possible for me to want to be with my friends and love my family just the same. It�s like a married couple: if each isn�t allowed their space, the ability to continue growing and learning from new and different people, then that marriage is not going to last.

I feel like I need a separation from my sister in that regard. I get such a hard time for making the choices I make that don�t coincide with her wants and needs. If this was a friend of mine, I�d say fuck off. Don�t need it. But she�s my sister, and I love her, and I understand she�s coming from a place of loneliness and hurt. She thinks that I would rather be with my friends than her. That�s not true. I would rather be doing something around people than sitting on my ass. I love people. I�m addicted to people. Every new face, new voice, like euphoria jolting into me as I pick up something new, see something different for the first time.

And what I don�t understand, is why would anyone who loves me want to take that away? And only for the silly reason that they are bored and need company and entertaining? I know if my mother and my sister had friends, this wouldn�t be an issue. It would be different if they had their own lives and actually made plans with me, rather than expecting me to drop everything when they�re available, which is almost all the time. My sister actually got mad at me for going to my weekly meditation when I had the opportunity that night to go to dinner with her and my mother. I said, �I fucking live with you. This is my weekly medicine, a thing I love, a social and spiritual event.� Her reaction? �Whatever. You go every week and you can�t miss one fucking night for your family? Fuck you then.�

How the hell am I supposed to come back at that? Ah, whatever, this is just frustrating me. I�m just going to have to wait it out. Eventually, something has to click in her head. I love her to death, but if this continues, it�s not written in stone that I have to support her and I won�t hesitate to send her back to Mom�s house so she can then move out on her own and learn a little about life. I was supporting myself at 18. She�s 21. It�s time to grow up.