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2001-01-31

Random stuff

Sometimes, I interview someone and all I can think is, �My God, how did this person ever hold down a job? Which company thought that they were an asset?� I know, it�s a horrible thought, but then again, I�ve never claimed to be Mother Teresa. Discretion is needed here. �Weeding out� is necessary. I used to feel bad about that, like everyone who came to me must be helped or else I fail. But then I realized, I�m not a social service, this is a profit-based job I do, and in order to succeed, I must have the ability to cut one when I need to.

I find that that philosophy works in other areas of life as well. Sometimes, in order to move on along our paths, whatever they are, we have to cut things. Let them go, no matter how much we wish to help or hold on. You can�t move very fast if you�re weighed down by too much. Then again, a little bit of those types of anchors keeps us steady. It�s a fine line, and takes a trained eye. I�m still learning here. Aren�t we all.

Birthdays, birthdays, fucking Aquarians. Hee hee. Last night was a blast, went downtown for a big dinner, big celebration for a good friend�s 30th. I stood and recited a poem for the crew of 18 people, buzzed off fine wine and good company. There were a lot of great vibes being thrown around last night, a lot of genuine smiles. I love that. Tonight, another birthday, another great friend. This time, a Toga Party. Oh, the creative minds and their gallivanting. Sometimes, I just have to sit back, smile, and relish in the fuzzy warm feeling of being surrounded by so many amazing people. How lucky I am in life for so many reasons.

I�ve been thinking a lot lately about other people. Out of my head for a moment, and into my analyze-mode, my curiosity at their day-to-day lives, the various thoughts in their minds, my wonder at the differences between us. It�s times like these that I want to escape inside my head, wander around, spend a day, a week, asking questions and imagining answers. Problem with that is, I get lost when I do that. Takes me too far from reality and general acceptance, rather, I�m living in a self-created world of distorted perceptions. I must admit, though, it is quite the fun hobby. It�s like controlling a dream�

Speaking of dreams, I was having disturbing ones last night. If I were superstitious, I�d be sensing these as omens. Then, I woke up late this morning, flipped on my light, only to see the quick burst of white and then darkness, as the bulb blew out. Up on the ceiling, I can�t reach that. So, hurriedly, I showered, dressed in a room poorly lit by natural light coming in the window, and raced off to work. And during the drive, reflected on my dreams. I woke up several times while trying to fall asleep; it was my voice that woke me each time. I was talking, not mumbling as usual, but actually forming words, and the vibration of my larynx and the tickle of the hum on my lips kept waking me.

Some of these little glimpses of dream involved my mother. I don�t remember what they were about, exactly. Just the feeling. That indescribable feeling, that mixture of anxiety, anger, stress, pressure, fear. It was odd. My heart skipped a beat every time I woke up, making it difficult to calm down enough to even out my breath for more sleep. I would try to read into it, I would try to interpret it, but when it comes down to it, I think I know exactly what happened�

Too much wine and garlic.

-Barbarella

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2007-05-19
NEW SITE!!!!

2007-05-16
Links and Update

2007-05-09
Two Links

2007-05-06
Yes, Even MORE new pictures

2007-05-06
Mizz Asshole

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Random stuff 2001-01-31 17:26:18 Sometimes, I interview someone and all I can think is, �My God, how did this person ever hold down a job? Which company thought that they were an asset?� I know, it�s a horrible thought, but then again, I�ve never claimed to be Mother Teresa. Discretion is needed here. �Weeding out� is necessary. I used to feel bad about that, like everyone who came to me must be helped or else I fail. But then I realized, I�m not a social service, this is a profit-based job I do, and in order to succeed, I must have the ability to cut one when I need to.

I find that that philosophy works in other areas of life as well. Sometimes, in order to move on along our paths, whatever they are, we have to cut things. Let them go, no matter how much we wish to help or hold on. You can�t move very fast if you�re weighed down by too much. Then again, a little bit of those types of anchors keeps us steady. It�s a fine line, and takes a trained eye. I�m still learning here. Aren�t we all.

Birthdays, birthdays, fucking Aquarians. Hee hee. Last night was a blast, went downtown for a big dinner, big celebration for a good friend�s 30th. I stood and recited a poem for the crew of 18 people, buzzed off fine wine and good company. There were a lot of great vibes being thrown around last night, a lot of genuine smiles. I love that. Tonight, another birthday, another great friend. This time, a Toga Party. Oh, the creative minds and their gallivanting. Sometimes, I just have to sit back, smile, and relish in the fuzzy warm feeling of being surrounded by so many amazing people. How lucky I am in life for so many reasons.

I�ve been thinking a lot lately about other people. Out of my head for a moment, and into my analyze-mode, my curiosity at their day-to-day lives, the various thoughts in their minds, my wonder at the differences between us. It�s times like these that I want to escape inside my head, wander around, spend a day, a week, asking questions and imagining answers. Problem with that is, I get lost when I do that. Takes me too far from reality and general acceptance, rather, I�m living in a self-created world of distorted perceptions. I must admit, though, it is quite the fun hobby. It�s like controlling a dream�

Speaking of dreams, I was having disturbing ones last night. If I were superstitious, I�d be sensing these as omens. Then, I woke up late this morning, flipped on my light, only to see the quick burst of white and then darkness, as the bulb blew out. Up on the ceiling, I can�t reach that. So, hurriedly, I showered, dressed in a room poorly lit by natural light coming in the window, and raced off to work. And during the drive, reflected on my dreams. I woke up several times while trying to fall asleep; it was my voice that woke me each time. I was talking, not mumbling as usual, but actually forming words, and the vibration of my larynx and the tickle of the hum on my lips kept waking me.

Some of these little glimpses of dream involved my mother. I don�t remember what they were about, exactly. Just the feeling. That indescribable feeling, that mixture of anxiety, anger, stress, pressure, fear. It was odd. My heart skipped a beat every time I woke up, making it difficult to calm down enough to even out my breath for more sleep. I would try to read into it, I would try to interpret it, but when it comes down to it, I think I know exactly what happened�

Too much wine and garlic.