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2001-02-08

Energy Suckers

Life is always so much cleaner after an evening of meditation. And oh, how my writing at night has helped clear my head before falling asleep. I had forgotten just what journaling before bed can do for me. What an amazing purge, get all those thoughts out and fall to sleep cleansed, empty, open to what dreams may come. I was frustrated right before bed last night. Frustrated for stupid reasons, tired and cranky, tired with my sister for being angry at me, tired with the day, with my job, with my life. So I wrote a page. I wrote it out. I wrote how I was annoyed, pissy, bitchy, about my headache, about some weird stuff that happened with coworkers, the kind of things I can�t put in here. The kind of things I don�t want anyone to read. The kind of things that are just for ME and MY journal.

And I slept like a baby. And I woke up just fine again today. I wonder how people can keep up the energy it takes to remain in frustrated, angry or upset states. It takes so much energy! To constantly be sad and mopy, Poor me, Life sucks, blah blah blah. I would think that it would get old pretty quickly. But as I look around, I notice people who are stuck there, people who have been stuck there for a very long time, and it doesn�t look like they�re planning on getting �unstuck� anytime soon. I used to try and help those people. I used to be their logic, their optimism, their entertainer and their attention-giver. It was only a matter of time, for each situation, that I eventually ran out of energy for them.

I ran out, because my supply was not being replenished. I poured and poured, and was never refilled. Soon, I ran out of stuff to pour, nothing left but the desolate realization that I�ve been wasting my time. And that not only did I waste my time, the only thing I learned or gained from this �energy sucker� (as my Dad calls them) was that they were a waste of time for me. If ANY relationship is not symbiotic in some way, someone could end up resentful. I�ve had plenty of friends that I �gave� to more than I �got�. That�s not the issue. There�s no price to my giving, I like to think that I give without expectation. I will be honest, though, and say that I definitely �get� more out of �giving� to someone who is a receptive �getter�. Someone who understands that I am giving, someone who is appreciative. Therein lies my joy in giving � when it is well received.

Ever give a toy to a kid who said they didn�t like it and threw it back at you? And then you could give an old shoe to another kid and they act as if you�ve just handed them Jack�s Magic Beans? Which one do you think is going to get farther on the happy trail of life? I just realize more and more in my life, that perpetually depressed people deflate me. If someone is not going to see the positive side of something, regardless of how many times they hear a million different versions of possible positives, then chances are they�re not going to see the one in a million that I decide to drop in as my two-cents. Chances are, they don�t even want to see a positive side.

I believe that happiness is a choice. Look at Victor Frankl. Here is a man in a Nazi concentration camp, in the hell of all hell�s, and much worse living conditions (if you can call it a �living� condition) than any place I could comprehend, and he said, "The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes."

It comes down to this: I don�t have time for people who are perpetually miserable, because at that point, I begin to suspect that they are denying their gift of choice, this wonderful human ability of perception that we have the amazing power to adjust at our will. Yes, we have our down times, it�s all part of the cycle. But if I see someone who�s wheel ain�t turning? Well, there�s only so many times you can stop off the freeway to help someone change a tire before you forget where it was you were going. And honestly, I�ve just encountered too many people who would love for me to help change their tire, but are unwilling to supply the jack. Yes, that�s a very convoluted analogy, but you get my point. I�m out of patience.

-Barbarella

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2007-05-19
NEW SITE!!!!

2007-05-16
Links and Update

2007-05-09
Two Links

2007-05-06
Yes, Even MORE new pictures

2007-05-06
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Energy Suckers 2001-02-08 20:48:07 Life is always so much cleaner after an evening of meditation. And oh, how my writing at night has helped clear my head before falling asleep. I had forgotten just what journaling before bed can do for me. What an amazing purge, get all those thoughts out and fall to sleep cleansed, empty, open to what dreams may come. I was frustrated right before bed last night. Frustrated for stupid reasons, tired and cranky, tired with my sister for being angry at me, tired with the day, with my job, with my life. So I wrote a page. I wrote it out. I wrote how I was annoyed, pissy, bitchy, about my headache, about some weird stuff that happened with coworkers, the kind of things I can�t put in here. The kind of things I don�t want anyone to read. The kind of things that are just for ME and MY journal.

And I slept like a baby. And I woke up just fine again today. I wonder how people can keep up the energy it takes to remain in frustrated, angry or upset states. It takes so much energy! To constantly be sad and mopy, Poor me, Life sucks, blah blah blah. I would think that it would get old pretty quickly. But as I look around, I notice people who are stuck there, people who have been stuck there for a very long time, and it doesn�t look like they�re planning on getting �unstuck� anytime soon. I used to try and help those people. I used to be their logic, their optimism, their entertainer and their attention-giver. It was only a matter of time, for each situation, that I eventually ran out of energy for them.

I ran out, because my supply was not being replenished. I poured and poured, and was never refilled. Soon, I ran out of stuff to pour, nothing left but the desolate realization that I�ve been wasting my time. And that not only did I waste my time, the only thing I learned or gained from this �energy sucker� (as my Dad calls them) was that they were a waste of time for me. If ANY relationship is not symbiotic in some way, someone could end up resentful. I�ve had plenty of friends that I �gave� to more than I �got�. That�s not the issue. There�s no price to my giving, I like to think that I give without expectation. I will be honest, though, and say that I definitely �get� more out of �giving� to someone who is a receptive �getter�. Someone who understands that I am giving, someone who is appreciative. Therein lies my joy in giving � when it is well received.

Ever give a toy to a kid who said they didn�t like it and threw it back at you? And then you could give an old shoe to another kid and they act as if you�ve just handed them Jack�s Magic Beans? Which one do you think is going to get farther on the happy trail of life? I just realize more and more in my life, that perpetually depressed people deflate me. If someone is not going to see the positive side of something, regardless of how many times they hear a million different versions of possible positives, then chances are they�re not going to see the one in a million that I decide to drop in as my two-cents. Chances are, they don�t even want to see a positive side.

I believe that happiness is a choice. Look at Victor Frankl. Here is a man in a Nazi concentration camp, in the hell of all hell�s, and much worse living conditions (if you can call it a �living� condition) than any place I could comprehend, and he said, "The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes."

It comes down to this: I don�t have time for people who are perpetually miserable, because at that point, I begin to suspect that they are denying their gift of choice, this wonderful human ability of perception that we have the amazing power to adjust at our will. Yes, we have our down times, it�s all part of the cycle. But if I see someone who�s wheel ain�t turning? Well, there�s only so many times you can stop off the freeway to help someone change a tire before you forget where it was you were going. And honestly, I�ve just encountered too many people who would love for me to help change their tire, but are unwilling to supply the jack. Yes, that�s a very convoluted analogy, but you get my point. I�m out of patience.