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2001-02-16

Women

Hmm. So what is on my mind this morning� aside from a runny nose, caused by a mixture of allergies and lack of sleep this week. People. But people are ALWAYS on my mind, in one way or another. Women in particular are on my mind this morning. I keep very few close woman friends, and the more I look around me in life, the more I remind myself why that is so. Why I�ve always gotten along much better (we�re speaking long-term here) with my male friends than my female friends. It must just be a mindset. My instinct is to say it�s because women are way too much drama. But if I think about it, I know plenty of men who are just as dramatic as the average woman.

So what is it? Why do I think women are so easy to read and understand? Is it because I happen to be one? Or, scarier yet, maybe I am a man trapped in a woman�s body. I don�t mean I have a vestigial dick or anything. Just that when it comes to sex, relationships, and drama, I tend to take the cultural male stance. The traditional dominant role. I�m not domestic. I can cook, but I don�t enjoy it. I hate cleaning. And if I had the money right now, I�d have a full-time live-in maid who did all of that for me, including the laundry and the kitty litter. I just don�t like to deal with anything proletarian. Do I think I�m above it? No. Would I rather suck on my toe than do it? Now there�s an idea (looking at my shoes and how many minutes I have left before my meeting this morning).

Alright, getting to a point here, I promise, I�m tired, give me a friggin� break. I find women to be �catty�. Yeah, you read that correctly. Women have more ulterior motives than men do, generally speaking. I�ve been �dicked� by many women who say one thing and do another, and in my experience, that�s never happened with a male friend. Superiority/inferiority complexes, insecurities, self-esteem issues, competition, these are all prevalent in female to female relationships, across the board. It�s amazing what a woman will do for attention. For love. For acceptance. I had a friend in LA (well, acquaintance is more accurate) who bad-talked lesbians, said she was not interested in women at all, yadda yadda yadda. Yet, at a party once, I was speaking with 3 very attractive commercial actors about the joys of masturbation (a typical Barb topic of conversation, it�s just always so relevant in my mind), and she approached us. Now, I had no interest in any of these men, other than fun conversation, I was there with a date. One of them mentioned his excitement for woman-on-woman action, and the next thing I know, this girl is begging me to kiss her, even grabbed me by the neck and locked lips with me, tongue and all � for the benefit of their reaction.

Hypocritical? Yes. She did not want to kiss me. She is not into girls. She has never admittedly had an orgasm, and is not into self-pleasure. But for the attention and acceptance of 3 good-looking men, she overlooked all of that, and acted purely from her ulterior motive � to be liked. Now, I have a problem with that. If you want to do something, great, do it. I didn�t mind the kiss. To me, a kiss at a party is a kiss at a party, nothing more. But sometimes I like to stop and ask myself, �okay, now WHY am I REALLY doing this? What do I get out of it? Is this something I would do with OR without an audience?� and then I continue on, with the knowledge of where I�m really coming from.

I find men to be more straightforward in general with their wants and needs. And I appreciate that. It�s just a lot simpler. And I notice that the few women whom I consider to be my closest female friends share those same perspectives. They do what they want to do because they want to do it. Not because they want to impress anyone, not because they want to be accepted or liked, just because. Because they can. That�s the only reason I�ve ever needed. I need to stop being so judgmental. It�s not that I judge, though, I like to think. It�s just that I recognize certain patterns, and sometimes, well, they get old. I get bored. And I lose patience with feigned innocence, and what seems to be (at least to me) flagrant attempts for gaining attention.

Disclaimer: I LOVE attention. I admit it. I�m hypocritical by typing this, as a woman, as a person who thrives on attention. It�s that whole double-standard thing. In my mind, in my rationalization (which is most dramatic and complex � hypocrisy #2) my methods of gaining attention go hand-in-hand with my true self. Not what I�m portraying just to get attention. Rather, who I am, what I want, and what I would do regardless of whether or not attention is a direct result. Attention for me? It�s more like a bonus, a tasty dessert for a delicious meal that I would eat with or without an audience. That�s all.

-Barbarella

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2007-05-19
NEW SITE!!!!

2007-05-16
Links and Update

2007-05-09
Two Links

2007-05-06
Yes, Even MORE new pictures

2007-05-06
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Women 2001-02-16 16:15:40 Hmm. So what is on my mind this morning� aside from a runny nose, caused by a mixture of allergies and lack of sleep this week. People. But people are ALWAYS on my mind, in one way or another. Women in particular are on my mind this morning. I keep very few close woman friends, and the more I look around me in life, the more I remind myself why that is so. Why I�ve always gotten along much better (we�re speaking long-term here) with my male friends than my female friends. It must just be a mindset. My instinct is to say it�s because women are way too much drama. But if I think about it, I know plenty of men who are just as dramatic as the average woman.

So what is it? Why do I think women are so easy to read and understand? Is it because I happen to be one? Or, scarier yet, maybe I am a man trapped in a woman�s body. I don�t mean I have a vestigial dick or anything. Just that when it comes to sex, relationships, and drama, I tend to take the cultural male stance. The traditional dominant role. I�m not domestic. I can cook, but I don�t enjoy it. I hate cleaning. And if I had the money right now, I�d have a full-time live-in maid who did all of that for me, including the laundry and the kitty litter. I just don�t like to deal with anything proletarian. Do I think I�m above it? No. Would I rather suck on my toe than do it? Now there�s an idea (looking at my shoes and how many minutes I have left before my meeting this morning).

Alright, getting to a point here, I promise, I�m tired, give me a friggin� break. I find women to be �catty�. Yeah, you read that correctly. Women have more ulterior motives than men do, generally speaking. I�ve been �dicked� by many women who say one thing and do another, and in my experience, that�s never happened with a male friend. Superiority/inferiority complexes, insecurities, self-esteem issues, competition, these are all prevalent in female to female relationships, across the board. It�s amazing what a woman will do for attention. For love. For acceptance. I had a friend in LA (well, acquaintance is more accurate) who bad-talked lesbians, said she was not interested in women at all, yadda yadda yadda. Yet, at a party once, I was speaking with 3 very attractive commercial actors about the joys of masturbation (a typical Barb topic of conversation, it�s just always so relevant in my mind), and she approached us. Now, I had no interest in any of these men, other than fun conversation, I was there with a date. One of them mentioned his excitement for woman-on-woman action, and the next thing I know, this girl is begging me to kiss her, even grabbed me by the neck and locked lips with me, tongue and all � for the benefit of their reaction.

Hypocritical? Yes. She did not want to kiss me. She is not into girls. She has never admittedly had an orgasm, and is not into self-pleasure. But for the attention and acceptance of 3 good-looking men, she overlooked all of that, and acted purely from her ulterior motive � to be liked. Now, I have a problem with that. If you want to do something, great, do it. I didn�t mind the kiss. To me, a kiss at a party is a kiss at a party, nothing more. But sometimes I like to stop and ask myself, �okay, now WHY am I REALLY doing this? What do I get out of it? Is this something I would do with OR without an audience?� and then I continue on, with the knowledge of where I�m really coming from.

I find men to be more straightforward in general with their wants and needs. And I appreciate that. It�s just a lot simpler. And I notice that the few women whom I consider to be my closest female friends share those same perspectives. They do what they want to do because they want to do it. Not because they want to impress anyone, not because they want to be accepted or liked, just because. Because they can. That�s the only reason I�ve ever needed. I need to stop being so judgmental. It�s not that I judge, though, I like to think. It�s just that I recognize certain patterns, and sometimes, well, they get old. I get bored. And I lose patience with feigned innocence, and what seems to be (at least to me) flagrant attempts for gaining attention.

Disclaimer: I LOVE attention. I admit it. I�m hypocritical by typing this, as a woman, as a person who thrives on attention. It�s that whole double-standard thing. In my mind, in my rationalization (which is most dramatic and complex � hypocrisy #2) my methods of gaining attention go hand-in-hand with my true self. Not what I�m portraying just to get attention. Rather, who I am, what I want, and what I would do regardless of whether or not attention is a direct result. Attention for me? It�s more like a bonus, a tasty dessert for a delicious meal that I would eat with or without an audience. That�s all.