So much on my mind, always. I look like Medusa this morning. The hair was just not being cooperative, up in a little twist, with curls that usually fall back, making it look like a well-groomed coiffure. But now? They�re all sticking every which way and I�m about to call Perseus for a haircut. Anyway, played the weekend very mellow. Friday, hung at a friend�s place playing board games with a select few. Saturday, went to a lovely brunch with good friends. Sigh, it really was lovely. My friends are wonderfully well-rounded people. That night, went to a slumber party. Like I said � mellow.

Last night was wonderful, another date with Dad. We went to a show at UCSD, Irish music, the band is called �Lunasa�. I love Irish folk music. The flute, the fiddle, the men with bright orange hair bouncing along to their created beats, it was a great show. But, an hour into the two-hour performance, we had heard enough to replay in our heads for later, and decided to sneak out the side door and head to dinner.

A lot of laughing. A lot of great conversation. We talked politics, we talked morals and ethics and family and humor. People. People and their opinions, their ideas of how things should be. What�s right, what�s not. Like with politics. Everyone has an opinion. I think they all have great points, valid points. I don�t. What�s that make me? Uninformed? Apathetic? Everyone wants a perfect world, everyone is an idealist. Unfortunately, though, when idealists are faced with realists, sparks fly. It�s not that the realist is particularly careless, not that they have no heart. It�s just that they understand where compromises need to be made on the path to the ideal. At least, that�s my opinion. But what the fuck do I know? I�m not involved in anything, I�m not doing anything personally that helps any cause. So where is my right to bitch about things occurring in the world? Exactly. I don�t feel like I have one. They say Think Globally, Act Locally. I�m a bad person for the planet. I hardly recycle, for Christ�s sake. I don�t know what�s good for this country or what will destroy it.

I just know facts. My father works in war-gaming. He�s going to be gone for most of the next two months. I forget what he called it, but since the bombing in Iraq, the level of awareness has been switched to the �Prepare yourself for war� status. I asked him what he thought about Bush�s hit against Iraq. He said, �This is the deal. There are two opposing groups in that area. Between both borders, north and south, there are two No Fly zones. In those zones, to protect the local people, we, the Americans, fly back and forth, monitoring, keeping the zone clear from either group, thus keeping the people on both sides safe from air attacks. We noticed, during our routine check, that Iraq is ignoring the No Fly Zone, building missile sites, in those No Fly zones, the zones that only WE fly. The missiles could have no possible positive use. This is a country that uses chemical and biological warfare, and last time we gave a warning before taking out one of their buildings, they surrounded it with their women and children.

�So, to nip this in the bud, we took out the almost-finished missile site. Our job is to avoid war. To avoid attacks, avoid death. Realistically, we have to do certain things that aren�t pretty to avoid worse situations.� He went on to tell me about other instances, a thousand cited cases of our country�s good intent and the position of the rest of the world, as he knows it to be, from his meetings and exercises and direct involvement.

My friends are distraught. The world is on edge. War seems imminent. And I sit here with no opinion. I don�t know what should be done. I know that my father is a good man, that he weeps for those who suffer, regardless of their ethnicity or political stance. I know that I am lucky to be a woman raised in America, where (even according to Oprah) we are treated better than any other place in this world. That�s something I don�t mind defending. That�s something I don�t mind backing when measures are taken to protect it, to prevent obvious attack. Is it right? I don�t know. Is it justified? Even still, I don�t know. I don�t advocate the eradication of any other country in order to save ours. But I do believe that there are good guys and bad guys. And if there are people building weapons for the purpose of destroying other people based on their religious beliefs, for the purpose of destroying US planes that fly only to keep the peace and prevent war in a place that isn�t even our responsibility, I don�t mind if their weapons are destroyed without notice. I�m not saying it�s right. Or wrong. I�m not in a position to know either way.

Which is why I have no opinion. And some of you out there may think that�s a pathetic stance. That whole �how is the world going to change if you just sit there and do nothing� approach. I�m not trying to change the world. I�m not that noble, and I�ll be the first to admit it. I try to be good for people around me. I try to be nice, I try to be kind. I care about people everywhere. The measure of a person is by the amount of lives that they�ve touched. I read that in an Indian newspaper I get. I won�t do anyone any good by sitting and talking about peace, why things should be a certain way, how we can change them. Especially when I have no idea one way or the other.

The countries in the middle east have been fighting for thousands of years. Over religion, over territory. That is not going to suddenly change. It will take time, and gradual enlightenment. They are not going to react to a Gandhi-esque move for peace. That�s reality. What they will react to, is having every one of their attempts to attack thwarted. Maybe I�m ethnocentric. Fuck, I KNOW I am. But I believe that a society that hates and kills in the name of religion has a lot of growing up to do. We are parents following through on our threats for punishment, hopefully, to avoid what could potentially be a most horrible situation. I am an open-minded person. This is not my final word. This is just what I think of what I know is going on around me. And as we all know, that could change in a heartbeat.

If you asked me today, do I think that Bush made the right decision? My answer, with what little facts I have, is Yes. That may change tomorrow. I�ve never been too attached to my opinion. This lack of commitment to opinion comes hand-in-hand with having an open mind. And, no pun intended, I don�t mind that at all.

-Barbarella

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