Alright, so I�m in a better mood. Writing several pages in my personal purging journal usually clears my mind right up. Making my plans, making my plans, thinking about things to do, an action (though that�s slightly contradictory, I mean �thinking� is usually held in a different category than �action�) that puts my mind at ease, planning stuff means control, it means direction, it means goals and steps and hope. At least that�s what it means in MY neurotic little mind.

It�s an interesting vibe in the office today. One of us was �let go� on Friday, position eliminated, budget can�t handle the title. My manager is back and forth with her so-called �dedication� to the office. She comes in over the weekend (applying much pressure for the rest of us to come in as well). They all did. I didn�t. I have way too much going on in my life to extend the shittiest part of it into my few days of respite. Anyway, she comes in over the weekend, as if that gives her some silent justification, permission, if you will, to show up late today and spend half the morning bickering on the phone with one or the other father of her two children. While the morale around me disintegrates like a ball of dust tossed into the ocean. Morale. Ha!

No one is happy here. It�s odd, you know. Five women in an office, each with her own opinions of the place (though many overlap by general consensus), each looking for a way out, a way in, a way away from the others. Avoiding pressure from the incompetents �above� and merely being cordial and cursory with our �peers�, whom we know are every bit as miserable and pissed off as we are. I find it funny that we�re all still here, held by the simple tacky substance � our bills. And wanting to avoid the even stickier situation of not being able to pay them. Sticky indeed. And yet here I sit, in a fairly good mood. As if by realizing it�s all a game and a joke anyway makes me a player and not a pawn.

I�m ecstatic that I�m going to the grocery store tonight. Do you know how long it�s been since I�ve been to the grocery store? Have I made it completely clear how UNdomestic I am? Hmm? Well, let�s just say I�m having a domestic spurt. I vacuumed last night. I know, I know, I�m like a maid and shit. I�m a little late on the whole �spring-cleaning� crusade, but the damn thing has hit me anyway, despite my metaphorical vaccinations to avoid getting �the bug�. I want to be home. I want to cook and clean and read and write and relax. Don�t worry, this will NOT last very long at all. It�s just a teeny weeny little phase.

There�s a puppy barking, it�s been yelping for almost an hour. Where the fuck is it? I�m in an office here! This is strange. I�m going to go investigate. I smell smoke and I hear a puppy. Oh yeah, It�s Monday.

-Barbarella

previous | next