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2001-06-03

Sunday Nights - They Suck

Sunday night. I hate Sunday nights. It means tomorrow is Monday and the real world must resume. It means that the light on the other side of my dark sleep tonight illuminates all of those things I'd rather keep out of sight. In the shadows. Where it's easier to forget about them. I feel like I have no time. Or maybe I'm just not making the most of the time that I do have, and that is what is so fucking frustrating to me right now. Not doing what I need done. Not getting where I need to go. Not. No.

The weekend was good, though. Every moment an escape from the capsule of shit contained in 40 to 50 hours. Let's reflect on that for a moment, and perhaps I'll slip out of this negative funk.

Friday night, saw Memento with my man and my woman. Interesting flick. After that, my woman went home and my man and I went downtown to a private party some friends were throwing at the wine bar (a usual hangout of some friends). The party was fun, great DJ's, go-go dancers on tables, some good friends, some drink, some laughs, some people-watching, some conversation, all fun, all light-hearted. It was nice. I slept like a baby (who snores very loud).

Saturday had its ups and downs. Had breakfast with my mother. That was that, nothing doing, we saw, we chatted, we ate. There was a strange, "detached" feeling in the air, it could have just been me. I had to drive around several blocks to finally get to Luann (my manicurist), because there had been a big accident on my usual route. Big accident indeed. I was with Luann when she got a phone call with details of this accident. Cops chasing person in a stolen Toyota. Toyota runs through light, hits a car so hard and fast that it rips it in half. RIPPED it in HALF. The old woman in that car is Luann's neighbor.

Throughout my manicure and pedicure we got many updates on the situation, that the brother was located, possible murder charges because it looks like she's not going to make it. It was all very sad. I chose the color, "Sahara Sapphire". It's a light silver blue.

Saturday night I had dinner with my father. It was lovely. I feel horrible here, comparing the two meals, breakfast with mom, dinner with dad, one just "eh" and the other a "yay". Is that horrible of me? Or is it just the way things turned out? I need a therapist to tell me that. We had some great talk, though, me and dad. He's all moved into the neighborhood and was telling me all of the places he discovered on his walk around that morning. Shit that I didn't even know was around here. I can't wait to check it all out.

After that, I went with some very good friends to LipGloss (at Lips, a drag queen restaurant and dance club). Had a BLAST. Had a few drinks, allowed myself to get quite buzzed and just watch people, laughed and talked with my friends. Fun is the word that describes the 3 1/2 hours we were there.

Today. Sunday. Brunch/housewarming, beautiful house, beautiful friends, got to see some people I never get to see. Laughed. God, that's so good you know. Laughing. GREAT food. My friends sure do know how to fucking cook. After that, movie, Moulin Rouge with some good friends. Great movie, eye candy, it's like a happy, busy acid trip followed up with a poignant vodka buzz. I dug it. Colorful and constantly moving. Then, dinner with a few good friends.

And here I am. Great, busy weekend. I don't want to let go of it. I really need to get a smile back on my face, because right now, I feel as if I could cry on demand. Everything is so good and so bad all at once. I wish I could just focus more on the good stuff right now. But for some reason, on a Sunday night, the bad is flooding into my mind like water through a broken dam. And I want to disappear. Or have the magic ability to make everything and everyone ELSE disappear. If only.

-Barbarella

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2007-05-19
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2007-05-16
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2007-05-09
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2007-05-06
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Sunday Nights - They Suck 2001-06-03 8:56 p.m. Sunday night. I hate Sunday nights. It means tomorrow is Monday and the real world must resume. It means that the light on the other side of my dark sleep tonight illuminates all of those things I'd rather keep out of sight. In the shadows. Where it's easier to forget about them. I feel like I have no time. Or maybe I'm just not making the most of the time that I do have, and that is what is so fucking frustrating to me right now. Not doing what I need done. Not getting where I need to go. Not. No.

The weekend was good, though. Every moment an escape from the capsule of shit contained in 40 to 50 hours. Let's reflect on that for a moment, and perhaps I'll slip out of this negative funk.

Friday night, saw Memento with my man and my woman. Interesting flick. After that, my woman went home and my man and I went downtown to a private party some friends were throwing at the wine bar (a usual hangout of some friends). The party was fun, great DJ's, go-go dancers on tables, some good friends, some drink, some laughs, some people-watching, some conversation, all fun, all light-hearted. It was nice. I slept like a baby (who snores very loud).

Saturday had its ups and downs. Had breakfast with my mother. That was that, nothing doing, we saw, we chatted, we ate. There was a strange, "detached" feeling in the air, it could have just been me. I had to drive around several blocks to finally get to Luann (my manicurist), because there had been a big accident on my usual route. Big accident indeed. I was with Luann when she got a phone call with details of this accident. Cops chasing person in a stolen Toyota. Toyota runs through light, hits a car so hard and fast that it rips it in half. RIPPED it in HALF. The old woman in that car is Luann's neighbor.

Throughout my manicure and pedicure we got many updates on the situation, that the brother was located, possible murder charges because it looks like she's not going to make it. It was all very sad. I chose the color, "Sahara Sapphire". It's a light silver blue.

Saturday night I had dinner with my father. It was lovely. I feel horrible here, comparing the two meals, breakfast with mom, dinner with dad, one just "eh" and the other a "yay". Is that horrible of me? Or is it just the way things turned out? I need a therapist to tell me that. We had some great talk, though, me and dad. He's all moved into the neighborhood and was telling me all of the places he discovered on his walk around that morning. Shit that I didn't even know was around here. I can't wait to check it all out.

After that, I went with some very good friends to LipGloss (at Lips, a drag queen restaurant and dance club). Had a BLAST. Had a few drinks, allowed myself to get quite buzzed and just watch people, laughed and talked with my friends. Fun is the word that describes the 3 1/2 hours we were there.

Today. Sunday. Brunch/housewarming, beautiful house, beautiful friends, got to see some people I never get to see. Laughed. God, that's so good you know. Laughing. GREAT food. My friends sure do know how to fucking cook. After that, movie, Moulin Rouge with some good friends. Great movie, eye candy, it's like a happy, busy acid trip followed up with a poignant vodka buzz. I dug it. Colorful and constantly moving. Then, dinner with a few good friends.

And here I am. Great, busy weekend. I don't want to let go of it. I really need to get a smile back on my face, because right now, I feel as if I could cry on demand. Everything is so good and so bad all at once. I wish I could just focus more on the good stuff right now. But for some reason, on a Sunday night, the bad is flooding into my mind like water through a broken dam. And I want to disappear. Or have the magic ability to make everything and everyone ELSE disappear. If only.