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2001-06-20

Psycho Bug and Dreary Dilbert

This morning I experienced something like out of a science-friggin�-fiction movie. I got in my car, all ready to back up and get on the road, when I was attacked by some pterodactyl-spider-thingy. Gargantuan, red and orange, huge wings, long legs, I swear, the thing looked like it had a beak with teeth, man-eating mandibles. Frantic, stuck beneath it, me in the driver�s seat, this beast flying above the steering wheel, was I imagining the high-pitched screeching noise I took to be its war cry? My eyes searched for a weapon in my recently cleaned car (I knew I shouldn�t have gone and done that!) All I could find was the VHS tape covered in its elaborate plastic case, Les Miserables, I�m so impressed with myself that I remembered to bring it with me, returning it to a friend at work. I never did make the time to watch it. Good thing I already saw the play, but I digress, I told myself!

This thing is STILL trying to kill me! I grabbed the case, Valjean, Javert, Eponine, Cosette, dear God, help me! Smack against the inside of the windshield. Red, the blood of angry bug, Black, the dark of ages past, Red, I think it�s on my hand, Black, my day can start at laaaaast! Legs twitching, wings folding, I made it. And I just happened to have a box of kleenex on the passenger-side floor, for cleanup. I�m so happy that thing didn�t wait until I was on the freeway to pop out at me. But it�s okay, it�s all over, I�m fine.

I�m exhausted this morning. Surprising, I did get to bed early last night. I went with Steph to see Jen and Sean play indoor soccer. Intense game, I swear that everyone on each team was given some crack before the last two minutes. There was such an increase in energy, like the last sprint of a mile, bodies flying everywhere, fast-motion, all of it. I really have no reason to be this exhausted. I�m thinking of blaming it on the Claritin. It DOES say that it may cause drowsiness. But exhaustion? I�d rather suffer the allergies. We�ll see. Perhaps I just need a few more days of getting to bed early, to make up entirely for my long sleepless weekend.

Whether I like it or not, mmm, to be laying in my comfy bed right now, I am stuck here at work to deal with things I need to do, and people who like to ride my ass until I do them. What an intricate ecosystem here in the office. Balance in imbalance. I�m surprised it�s held together as long as it has, let�s see how durable this bitch really is. And by �bitch�, I mean this silly thing I like to call a job. I ended up closing 5 deals last week alone. That�s after NONE in over 4 months. And when the market sucks so much. You�d think they�d take this time to catch their breath before hounding for more, greedy, greedy, what next? What�s on the horizon? Fuck your horizon. Can I revel in a simple �congratulations� for one fucking day? Hmm? Too much to ask? Acknowledge that I rock, that I�m amazing, can turn shit into gold in a dark economy? Huh?

Can you sense my attitude? I�ll get more, I know I will, it�s in me to succeed. But realize that I am succeeding DESPITE management, not BECAUSE of management. Dilbert cartoons are so accurate. Managers are paper-pushers, buzz-word jargon droppers, computer illiterate idiots who get paid for telling us things we already know and making sure we turn in our reports on time by threatening to be even more annoying if we do not. At least that�s the job description in THIS company. I�ve worked for companies (and been a manager at companies) where the word Manager meant something entirely different. It meant Leader. It meant Team Player, someone who could do everything you could do already, who�s been there and has experience, who listens and gives advice, who encourages, who enables, who rewards. I know there�s got to be some place out there that still holds true to that definition. But until I find it, I will have to settle for the Dilbert lifestyle.

Deflect, mislead, explain in obfuscating ways, just to get them out of my face. Keeping my inside jokes with myself: that I know I could do it a hundred times better. I�m skating by on mediocrity right now. And I don�t seem to really care. Soon, my love. Soon, I�ll be where I need to be, a place that nurtures excellence. Until then, well, you get the picture. But on the forefront of my mind is getting my window fixed so I don�t enter my car tomorrow morning to discover a litter of cats and a battalion of bugs. I�m on it.

-Barbarella

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2007-05-19
NEW SITE!!!!

2007-05-16
Links and Update

2007-05-09
Two Links

2007-05-06
Yes, Even MORE new pictures

2007-05-06
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Psycho Bug and Dreary Dilbert 2001-06-20 9:44 a.m. This morning I experienced something like out of a science-friggin�-fiction movie. I got in my car, all ready to back up and get on the road, when I was attacked by some pterodactyl-spider-thingy. Gargantuan, red and orange, huge wings, long legs, I swear, the thing looked like it had a beak with teeth, man-eating mandibles. Frantic, stuck beneath it, me in the driver�s seat, this beast flying above the steering wheel, was I imagining the high-pitched screeching noise I took to be its war cry? My eyes searched for a weapon in my recently cleaned car (I knew I shouldn�t have gone and done that!) All I could find was the VHS tape covered in its elaborate plastic case, Les Miserables, I�m so impressed with myself that I remembered to bring it with me, returning it to a friend at work. I never did make the time to watch it. Good thing I already saw the play, but I digress, I told myself!

This thing is STILL trying to kill me! I grabbed the case, Valjean, Javert, Eponine, Cosette, dear God, help me! Smack against the inside of the windshield. Red, the blood of angry bug, Black, the dark of ages past, Red, I think it�s on my hand, Black, my day can start at laaaaast! Legs twitching, wings folding, I made it. And I just happened to have a box of kleenex on the passenger-side floor, for cleanup. I�m so happy that thing didn�t wait until I was on the freeway to pop out at me. But it�s okay, it�s all over, I�m fine.

I�m exhausted this morning. Surprising, I did get to bed early last night. I went with Steph to see Jen and Sean play indoor soccer. Intense game, I swear that everyone on each team was given some crack before the last two minutes. There was such an increase in energy, like the last sprint of a mile, bodies flying everywhere, fast-motion, all of it. I really have no reason to be this exhausted. I�m thinking of blaming it on the Claritin. It DOES say that it may cause drowsiness. But exhaustion? I�d rather suffer the allergies. We�ll see. Perhaps I just need a few more days of getting to bed early, to make up entirely for my long sleepless weekend.

Whether I like it or not, mmm, to be laying in my comfy bed right now, I am stuck here at work to deal with things I need to do, and people who like to ride my ass until I do them. What an intricate ecosystem here in the office. Balance in imbalance. I�m surprised it�s held together as long as it has, let�s see how durable this bitch really is. And by �bitch�, I mean this silly thing I like to call a job. I ended up closing 5 deals last week alone. That�s after NONE in over 4 months. And when the market sucks so much. You�d think they�d take this time to catch their breath before hounding for more, greedy, greedy, what next? What�s on the horizon? Fuck your horizon. Can I revel in a simple �congratulations� for one fucking day? Hmm? Too much to ask? Acknowledge that I rock, that I�m amazing, can turn shit into gold in a dark economy? Huh?

Can you sense my attitude? I�ll get more, I know I will, it�s in me to succeed. But realize that I am succeeding DESPITE management, not BECAUSE of management. Dilbert cartoons are so accurate. Managers are paper-pushers, buzz-word jargon droppers, computer illiterate idiots who get paid for telling us things we already know and making sure we turn in our reports on time by threatening to be even more annoying if we do not. At least that�s the job description in THIS company. I�ve worked for companies (and been a manager at companies) where the word Manager meant something entirely different. It meant Leader. It meant Team Player, someone who could do everything you could do already, who�s been there and has experience, who listens and gives advice, who encourages, who enables, who rewards. I know there�s got to be some place out there that still holds true to that definition. But until I find it, I will have to settle for the Dilbert lifestyle.

Deflect, mislead, explain in obfuscating ways, just to get them out of my face. Keeping my inside jokes with myself: that I know I could do it a hundred times better. I�m skating by on mediocrity right now. And I don�t seem to really care. Soon, my love. Soon, I�ll be where I need to be, a place that nurtures excellence. Until then, well, you get the picture. But on the forefront of my mind is getting my window fixed so I don�t enter my car tomorrow morning to discover a litter of cats and a battalion of bugs. I�m on it.