Wow, am I cranky this morning. I wish sometimes that I could do away with social etiquette, false politeness, and just be curt and to the point, expressing what�s on my mind, you know, like the Brits do over there in England. I walk into the office this morning, very very early, hoping for a bit of settle-in time, some alone moments, before the usual crew comes marching in (which is ALWAYS late), and was disappointed to find that when I pulled up, at least 2 of their cars were already in the parking lot. Fuck. So much for my alone time. And to make matters worse, my boss is yabbering about how they lost the kittens and then found the kittens, and oh! They were so cute! They were right under the sink the whole time, and yadda yadda yadda BLEAH. Here�s where that cultural question comes into play: I wanted to say, �I don�t care,� and walk through to my office. Rude? Yes. But it�s the truth.

Sometimes, people talk to me when I don�t want them to, and how are they to know unless I let them know? By saying something like, �you might as well cork it right there Yabberwockie, because I have no interest in what you are saying, I�m actually trying to escape to a place in my mind that is so entrancing to me, so captivating, that I won�t be able to physically hear you or see you right now.� I don�t think she, or anyone for that matter, could really handle that level of truth. The Shut up, I don�t give a shit level of truth.

Whoah, who took their bitch pill this morning? I can�t believe I just dedicated a paragraph to a bitchy, cranky rant. Time to move on and tell you about my holiday. Tuesday night, Ladies� night. And I love me my ladies. S, S, K and my sister met up over at my place. We kidnapped a new neighbor (trust me, he didn�t put up much of a fight, just said �you 5 girls want ME to go out with you?� and hopped in the car. Wait, just had a flashback. There were only 4 of us then, one of the S�s met up with us a Bar Dynamite, which is where we headed first. Few drinks, then to Nunu�s, where we met some guys in a band (different than the other guys in that other band I mentioned a few weeks ago) and we went back to the lead singer�s house in the hills for a mellow after-party. What fun, what fun.

I had some wonderful bonding moments that evening. Oh wait, there�s more� once we peeled S off the lead singer, we headed back to my place. The poor boy we brought was dragged along with us from place to place. I heard he puked over at S�s long after I had gone to bed. Crazy times, oh yeah. And into the next day, me and S the only ones to get some sleep, the 4th of July, and me with no plans. S, S, & K were all at the beach, at a friend�s house. I had told them earlier that I didn�t want to go there, didn�t want to deal with traffic, with people. I went, of course. I mean, my friends were going to be there, and they were calling me and calling me and so - I went. I�m so happy I did. What great people-watching, right there on the boardwalk. Funny little side note here, a lot of people heard that this beach shindig was MY party. I thought that interesting, seeing as I didn�t even decide to go there until the last minute. Acquaintances that I rarely see told me that they heard it was my party from acquaintances I hardly EVER see. I love rumors. I�ll claim that party, goddammit, it was a great fucking party! Sure, yeah, I threw it.

Saw some fireworks, stopped by a friend�s place to listen to some boys play with a turn-table and new synthesizer for a bit, and headed my ass home. Jenny was in my room, on the computer when I fell into bed. She said I was snoring before she could click on �shut down�. I was a tired girl! Good thing my body has been forcing me to rest, despite the fact that I fight my natural needs, staying at parties, and hanging out till wee hours in the morning on various evenings. So there�s the update. And here I am, in that mental space where I don�t want to put up with any bullshit, don�t want to be bothered, and DEFINITELY do not want to be annoyed. And with my coworkers, it is impossible for me to get through the day without having to deal with all of those things. Sigh. I can do this.

I had some very bad dreams last night. I remembered them when I woke up, which is a horrible thing, because now I am stuck with my nightmares all day. Because, freak that I am, I will replay them in my head, step by step, almost testing my memory, despite the subject matter. I really DON�T like the people I don�t like. It borders on hatred here. That�s not good. But, on the flip side (hence my dragon/yin-yang tattoo), when I like people I really DO like them. It borders on love. Perhaps it is better to feel the extremes. Doesn�t that make me passionate about my emotions? I like to think so. But then again, I like to think. Something I �think� more people should do. If we were all just a tad bit more introspective and analytical, maybe we�d figure shit out a lot quicker than we do. Or at least, it would shut these assholes up around me, thinking about themselves and life for once rather than blabbing out the most inconsequential, space-filling, NOTHING words, just to hear their own voices.

Oops! Did it again! I TOLD you I was cranky. But seriously, when I'm in this kind of mood, I just want to say, "Shut up and die." I'm a bad, bad person. And right now, I'm willing to live with that if it means I don't have to put up with any bullshit today. Bullshit stinks. Get it? God, I'm fucking funny sometimes. Just do me a little favor, will you? Pray that I don't kill someone today. Jail is just such a buzzkill. So are people, for that matter.

Except my friends. Their shit... well, it don't stink. Not to me. I'm rambling now. Won't someone just tell ME to shut the fuck up? See, it works both ways. You're learning. Oh yes, and Happy 4th! I always did love the word, "independent". And believe it or not, I'm very patriotic. Shut up, Barb.

-Barbarella

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