My boss is sick, sniffling all over the place, mentioning her kids puke this morning. Uh, yeah, don't need to hear it. Don't wanna hear it, don't tell it to me. She called on her way, running late, surprise, and said she didn't even know why she was coming in today, that her morning already sucked and it was going to be a bad day, she could tell. Now, why the fuck would you call someone at the office, on your WAY to work, and tell them all that shit? What was I to say, "Great, wonderful, can't wait to fucking see you and share that bad-dayness!?" Uh, no. I asked her why she was bothering, but realized, I just don't care what the answer is.

So that was annoying, but dinner last night was as lovely as I imagined it would be. Lots of laughing, a little crying, some surface bickering, and more laughing. I love my family. I learned something lately, hanging with Jen, talking with just her and then other people and her. I can't stand to hear people speculate and talk about what's going on in the world. I can't stand to hear opinions, to hear people become emotional and repeat themselves over and over, saying the same thing in a million different ways. Some points I've heard are great, they make me think a bit. And then, they all just repeat themselves and my thinking becomes a monotonous broken record until I just feel like snapping in two. Hard to explain, really. I'm sure it's just my mind trying to turn it all off like a bad sitcom. I just don't think some people should have opinions at all, and when those particular people begin shooting off at the mouth about what we "should" do, and what's "right" or "wrong", well, I just want to slap them. So instead of inciting violence, I tend to change the subject or remove myself from the conversation.

I'm one of those people, by the way. I don't think that I should have an opinion about any of this. Not until I've done the research. I've mentioned this before, almost a year ago, but I find it impossible for ANYONE to make ANY kind of judgment without knowing all the facts, hearing all the stories, reviewing all possible or thought-out ramifications. I don't presume to know all of that in this particular situation, so it annoys me when other people, whom I KNOW haven't read up on their facts, state their opinions aloud. Shut up, shut up, shut the fuck up. And pay attention. Because soon, I'm sure we'll ALL learn quite a bit more than we've ever wanted to. And then maybe, we'll have thoughts and opinions on it, and then maybe, we'll actually be able to talk about it with each other.

You can't get in my head. It doesn't make sense in there, because I'm still trying to slowly make sense of so much. So, enough about that. There's another weekend coming up. I want to wash my sheets and my blanket. I want to make a poster out of this cool picture I have of my tits and mail it out to people with a card that says, "Titty Titty Bang Bang, love Barbarella". No particular reason for that one. I want to write a chapter in my home journal and figure some shit out. I want to close a deal at work and make some more money, prove myself worthy. I want to have some sex and watch a movie, a good one. I want to get my hair cut, get a new outfit, clean the kitty litter and paint my toenails. I want to replace all those "want to's" with the word, "will".

So, better run. I've got a lot to do.

-Barbarella

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