(Fuck I.T., I figured it out myself! Barbarella, back on line!)

I feel insane. I mean, like literally, insane. Everything is so surreal to me right now. People are looking at me weird, or perhaps I just think they are, because I�m being weird and projecting. My pop tart tastes like cardboard and my coffee tastes like a caramel-flavored bean, crushed and sprinkled into a tall glass of lukewarm water.

This is what happens when you don�t sleep on a Thursday night. No, wait! Stop right there! I don�t want to hear it, trust me, it�s been going through my head for awhile now. How irresponsible! What were you thinking? WERE you thinking? Why do that to yourself? But don�t you worry, Jiminy - I�ve got answers. Not much thinking is required when I throw a little impromptu gathering, so no, thinking never really entered into this. Why? I had a lot of fun, and when you�re having fun, �why� becomes �why not?� Worth it? We�ll find out in a few hours now, won�t we. If I can even get this damn thing posted, my office net�s still down this morning. I won�t change a thing. Even if I don�t get to actually post until the afternoon, these are always morning thoughts, and right now, it�s not even 8am. So I�ll mentally fart through my fingers and save it, as is, so you can take a wild guess as to how fucked up I am right now.

Last night was nice. I don�t know what happened to all that �relaxation� talk, let�s just say I got a bug in my pants. A very big fucking bug. I had a lovely dinner with Zim, it was nice to catch up with him, it�s been a little while. Pixie brought pictures over from my party! Finally, pictures taken at the BEGINNING of the evening, when my makeup was still on, freshly applied, in fact. Before my false lashes were peeled off my eyes and jettisoned (as fast as false eyelashes can fly) at Africa Dick. Oh, and the memories keep trickling in from that wonderful party. But I digress, see? Weird.

After Pixie, more lovely people followed, the Lovely sisters, fantastic Cyrano (whom you can thank for that fabulous picture of my breasts AND the new red look), Zim, Pony, Comedian, and my sister. What a crowd. Alright, I have to interrupt here for a moment. Our Area Manager just walked into my office. She�s here for today (I just found this out) to interview people for an in-house position we have here. Um, just made the freakiest ASS out of myself. Thank God she looks more cracked out than me. I spit out fragments of sentences, and she spit some back, same disarray, same weirdo shakiness. We just had a 25 second conversation (if you can call it that) that made ABSOLUTELY NO sense whatsoever. She slept in past her alarm. That�ll ALWAYS fuck you up in the morning. It�ll take her awhile to settle into herself and get over that, �fuck! I�m late!� feeling. Whew! I�m not the only one who�s all discombobulated.

Sigh, just got a little normal, thank you water! Can you feel this roller coaster? See what happens when you disrespect your body? Ah, fuck it. I�m cool, I can handle this fine. How soon I forget that this is far from the first (and last?) time I�ve gone out on a school night and had to pull myself together the next day. And everything always worked out fabulously, so I can stop stressing. Just faxed a contract. How fucking ironic would it be for me to close a sale on the one day I can hardly function? Nice, very nice.

Okay, I�m gonna stop the madness now. Weekend is upon me and all I need to do is get through this day standing. Wish me luck. And hey! You! Don�t worry about me. I�m a pro. Now, where the fuck did I put my pop tart?

-Barbarella

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