I've got this sleeping-half-the-day-away thing down to a fucking ART. I guess I needed a rest, really. The last few days, I haven't gotten out of bed before noon, at the earliest. Sigh. I stood up today to make sure that my muscles hadn't atrophied, you never can tell.

It's helped though, I believe. I mean, I actually feel "rested" for the first time in quite awhile. I ran out today to pick up the latest USA Today, full-page spread of my cousin Cindy's husband, Kevin. I took a few of them, don't worry, I paid for each copy.

Now I'm sipping on some organic root beer I got talked into buying, I haven't decided how I feel about the after-taste just yet. Halloween parties begin tomorrow. Am I ready to socialize again? Like that? In a big crowd, to be ON, to be present? I guess we'll see, huh.

So is this depression? The fact that I couldn't give two shits about anything or anyone around me? I have more fun giving myself a pedicure than I would have shooting the shit with a stranger at a bar nowadays. I'd rather talk to my cat than interact with any person. Interesting, how I can feel this way right now, and have this underlying knowledge that all I need do tomorrow night is go through the motions, put on my makeup, and BE Barbarella in every form of the word. You didn't know there were *that* many forms, did you. Well, there's even more than that.

I'll force myself to have fun. It's in my blood, I'm sure of it. Ha, get it? Blood? Halloween? Or perhaps you don't get it. And that's okay, too. Because by the time you see me, this jaded cynical bitch who thinks all of your created problems are less important than her choice of toenail polish will be safely packed away, beneath whatever costume it is I choose to adorn myself in for the evening. I mean, for the holiday, of course.

Okay, it's decided, this root beer sucks, and the after taste leaves my mouth tasting like sweet vomit. If only it were as simple as to have that be the reason for my mood. But, though I think it more than that, just to be on the safe side, I'm going to go dump it, see if I cheer up any. You never know, man. Stranger things HAVE happened. I speak from experience here.

-Barbarella

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