Sometimes, you think you have something pegged, you know what the problem is, how it should be fixed, what needs to be done, et cetera. Then you find out that you were wrong. The best thing that happened to me this weekend was to be utterly humbled by shutting my mouth for a second, allowing me to hear how wrong I was in my righteousness. But I�ll come back to this.

Lunch on Friday was wonderful, for many reasons. Halcyon has a way of sifting through my verbal eruptions, finding some key points, and repeating them back to me in amazingly disarming inflections, basically, finding the meat of my verbal vomit. I woke up bouncy and happy, almost manic on Friday, not realizing how much I needed to shed a few tears. Just a few, though. I ain�t no crybaby.

Friday night was interesting, I invited a new guy out on the town to meet up with a few friends. I met him at a club a few weeks ago, found out he�d just moved here and didn�t know anyone, and decided to be his conduit to San Diego socializing. I�m like a scout, I look for people with a bit of spark and I throw them into my life and see how well the flames mix together. That�s not a homosexual reference, so don�t get all in a huff, missy. Although, I could go MANY places with that metaphor. Anyhoo, this is the first time (aside from that crazy Halloween party that he showed up at) that he�s had the chance to socialize with me and a crew. I think he did a great job, and if we keep hanging out, I might just come up with a name for him on here.

The boy went home before I did, and I had some delightful and much needed time with Pixie. We chatted it up, dealt with some strays, and finally turned in for the morning. Tee hee. I�m so bad. Yesterday, the Drive-In!! I haven�t had that much fun drinking in a parking lot since high school! But this was much more fun than high school. Comedian, Kitty, Pony & her man, Inspector Gadget & Bunny Boy (both Stanton Residents). 13 Ghosts and Bones. Do NOT go to a theater to see either of these movies. Well, Bones would be fine, if you went VERY high (that�s high on pot, for those of you who know I have many definitions for the word). Snoop Doggy Dogg as �Bones�, the ghost of a pimp daddy who was wrongfully murdered back in the 70�s. Please, if only to fully realize the coolness that is Snoop, go check it out.

Hee hee. You�re probably wondering still what the hell I was referring to in the first paragraph here. For a long time now, I�ve been having difficulty communicating with someone I love very much. I had it all figured out in my head, she�s crazy, she�s this, she�s that, she�s mean, she�s got issues, SHE SHE SHE. In my frustration with �her�, �I� was faultless. I�ve been bitching to friends for months how I wish this person could just see how wrong she is, just �get it�. How I wish she would actually listen to me for once, and how �better� I was being through it all, maintaining a calm disposition, not flying off the handle. Today, that changed. I didn�t approach her and try to convince her why she should listen to ME, understand ME, be nicer to ME.

No. I looked her in the eyes and said, �I want to listen to you. Understand you. Be nicer to you. I�m going to sit here with complete openness, with my utmost receptivity, while you speak. I will not interrupt you, make any facial expressions or comments until you have indicated that you are done.�

It was amazing. She talked to me. I heard her. And it wasn�t until I HEARD her that I realized �I� haven�t been listening lately. And when she was done, for the first time in months, she seemed calm, not tense, comfortable. And then it was my turn. And she heard me. And we understood EACH OTHER. All this time I thought I was so perfect and blameless. My stubborn urge to be right had kept me distanced from someone who means more to me than� let�s just say if I had to answer those Scruples questions about who I�d give my life for, she�s probably the first name that would come to mind. I learned quite a lesson today, from someone I�ve made a lifetime of teaching lessons to.

I was ready to be extreme, do �whatever it takes� to drill into her my views on things. When all I had to do was take some time, close my lips, open my ears and listen with as much fervor as I would speak. Respect is a part of love. And love, my friends, is a verb, not a noun. It can only be shown through continued action and WILLINGNESS. Today, I felt that and I understood it in a way I don�t think I was capable of before.

Sometimes, it�s so much more worth it to be wrong than right. Today was one of those times. I love my sister. I just forgot how to express that to her for awhile. I�m pretty sure she gets it now, at least for now. And for now, that�s enough for me.

-Barbarella

previous | next