God, I fucking love this weather. Overcast, drizzly, rainy, clear, clean, crisp� refreshing. I�ve always felt refreshed and rejuvenated on rainy days, and it�s been like this for, well, days now. Strange space I�m in lately. It�s very good, but strange. You know I�ll try to explain it, but I have this strong feeling that this one, this phase of �me�, just can�t be communicated.

Monday night was fun, Jen and I went down to my mother�s for some home-cooked food, some happy nostalgia, some giddiness. We BINGED. I didn�t think it had really been that long since I�ve had corn and rice together on the same plate, but we were bottomless pits, munching and munching, so yummy. Something about the way Mom makes it. After dinner (and helping 2), I�m pretty sure we scared my mother into going up to bed. We were drunk and giddy from the food, intoxicated from the amount, the tastiness of it, but most of all I think we were overwhelmed with how GOOD it felt to be down there, the three of us, with no tension in the air. There was no arguing, no bickering, no snapping. Just laughing and weird noises (don�t ask, something we do when there are just no words to say� make �em).

So Mom went to bed and it was me, Jen and Pooh Bear. We usually attack the Disney Movie collection when we�re down there. I can�t wait until the holidays. Yesterday, we went outside and just stood in the driveway, breathing the holiday air (clouds and mist), taking in the differences and similarities, then and now, of where we grew up. Very cool.

We got home and soon after, Pony came over! Been awhile, old girl! (sorry, always wanted to say that, and I just can�t wait until we�re all 60+) Off to Hamburger Mary�s for happy hour. Now, why don�t I learn my lesson with the Kick-Ass Margarita? I KNOW I don�t like Tequila! So why? The first one, it just tastes SO good. Mmm. But then I forget what happens when I get the second one. Pain. Anyway, I�m slowly sipping down my first drink, blue yumminess, and we caught each other up on our lives, what we�ve been missing, etc. We talked about men and the meaning of friendship, families and goals. Then I ordered drink two. Halfway through drink two (this happened when Philo visited from San Francisco, don�t go TWO!), I had to pee.

I could tell by my wavering walk that I was far from sober. Shortly after my �rest-stop�, Pony took me home (a matter of blocks, people, and I opted for the ride� how drunk are we?) Warm goodbye and we�ll see each other again soon, and then I sat on the couch. And the room began to spin. I thought, alright Barb. Maybe if you make yourself puke, this nausea will go away. Maybe if you drink some water, the spinning will stop. I suffered through about half an hour of this contemplation before I finally passed out. Okay, that�s not the complete truth. I took advantage of myself in this state. I mean c�mon, it was either cum or puke and then pass out! Which one would YOU choose?

Anyway, I woke up hours later feeling great and retired to my bedroom with a few books and a dictionary. Fun, fun, fun! Today, I�m having lunch with Zim and then heading up to San Marcos to help Pregnant Faye grade. Did I ever tell you that Heather�s nickname in the family is Faye? Only 2 people in the world call her this (her sisters Jane and myself), but she�ll answer to it in a crowd. Because Faye stands for Feather, and Feather rhymes with Heather. Don�t ask, it was a kid thing that stuck � VERY well. So I�ll help her grade some English papers and then head back to Hillcrest to see what�s happenin� on a Wednesday night! I just realized I never did try to explain this �mental space� I�m in. Fuck it. No need for you to get it, it�s my mental space after all. Let�s just say, at the core, I�m in a damn good mood.

-Barbarella

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