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2001-11-28

Running on Empty

My, my, I do lead a busy life, even for an unsuspecting Tuesday. I got the chance to see some old faces yesterday, hear some new stories, and realize that as much as I �think� my life is hectic and busy, when it comes down to it, I�m pretty much mentally grounded. There�s this weight in my mind that ensures all thoughts and actions come right back down to me, and somehow, over the last few years, that weight has successfully kept me from getting caught up in whirlwinds, it�s kept me from spinning out of control.

I had lunch with a lovely young woman, laughed and fought with the gnats, got the update on the recent happenings in her life. Stories of the professional dominatrix she was the official slave to, a 3-way relationship with this dom and her male partner, also a dom. The ins and outs, the dynamics and fine lines between 24/7 slavery and human respect. I could write a book about it, you know, filled with info on this situation alone. Then, the dominatrix becoming upset with the way the relationship was going and kicking out both her boyfriend and her slave, not expecting her ex-slave to end up living with her ex-boyfriend. Interesting stuff. And here I was, stressing about a simple temporary move to my father�s place, when as of yesterday I got 2 call-backs regarding possible employment.

Speaking of my father�s, and this is just adorable. Operation Fish Tank: Zim, being the doll that he is, agreed to help out Kitty and I in the retrieval of the 60-gallon fish tank, to get the monster and all it�s accoutrements over to Kitty�s place. Zim and I arrived first, and Dad showed me where I�ll be staying (the one room he had set up ahead of the others, his massage room). I could see step-stools and fixtures hanging, evidence that he�s been working on the electricity problem in the bathroom closest to the room I�d be using. I think it�ll be great to stay with him for a bit. A bitch to move my shit, don�t get me wrong, but great for many reasons. And the financial relief is just another extra benefit. Okay, so we get the tank over (Zim, strong like bull), and he and I leave Kitty with her messy-wessy tank and took off to grab some din-din.

We met up with a friend of his at Ruby�s, fun little diner in Mission Valley. They were going to see a movie, but I just can�t justify $8.50, people, I just can�t. So dinner, laughs, yum, and I headed home, thinking to relax for the evening. It was almost 9pm. I got home, jumped on the phone, checked my messages, heard information on a birthday party I wanted to go to, and no sooner had I hung up, did I finally notice Jen�s animated charade-like expressions, pointing towards my bathroom. He walked out, and I understood her silent gesticulation attack. A �friend�, acquaintance, understood partner in crime. He obviously had no where else to go. Half of his head (hair that was almost as long as mine) was butchered short in the back, and the first half (the front) was completely shaved. In his hand, my razor. On his head, my shaving cream. Okay, gonna be a long night.

I heard his story, of the crazy people he�d been staying with, keeping him high, trying to pin shit on him with the known snitches. This is the dark side, people. This is how high the whirlwind can take you, and the higher you fly, the farther and faster you fall. And he had landed right here, in my bathroom. I gave him a beer to calm him down (my fridge is full of them, I gotta be in the mood for beer, and I�m never in the mood for it at home). I wiped his head and sat him down as I shaved the back, the parts he couldn�t see. He thought it was a good enough disguise. And I was sad for him. I listened, I shaved, I instructed him to clean my bathroom (hair was everywhere, it looked like Chewbaca went through the shredder). When he had cleaned it to my satisfaction (Barb�s worse than the cops, do it the way she wants it, he said), I offered him a ride anywhere. �You just can�t stay here, hon. But I�ll take you anywhere you want, even LA if needs be.�

He was grateful, looked depressed, as it was all finally hitting him as he slowly sobered up. I�m going to check on him today, I know where he is. When I got home, it was 11pm. Guess I missed the party. I felt this strange, guilt-like elation that I have never had to run like that. That half the places I go to, friends and family, actually feel like home to me. I appreciated it more than I ever have, I think. And I felt so sad that there are so many I know, so many I don�t know, who don�t have anything like what I have. Safe havens.

-Barbarella

previous | next

2007-05-19
NEW SITE!!!!

2007-05-16
Links and Update

2007-05-09
Two Links

2007-05-06
Yes, Even MORE new pictures

2007-05-06
Mizz Asshole

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Running on Empty 2001-11-28 12:38 p.m. My, my, I do lead a busy life, even for an unsuspecting Tuesday. I got the chance to see some old faces yesterday, hear some new stories, and realize that as much as I �think� my life is hectic and busy, when it comes down to it, I�m pretty much mentally grounded. There�s this weight in my mind that ensures all thoughts and actions come right back down to me, and somehow, over the last few years, that weight has successfully kept me from getting caught up in whirlwinds, it�s kept me from spinning out of control.

I had lunch with a lovely young woman, laughed and fought with the gnats, got the update on the recent happenings in her life. Stories of the professional dominatrix she was the official slave to, a 3-way relationship with this dom and her male partner, also a dom. The ins and outs, the dynamics and fine lines between 24/7 slavery and human respect. I could write a book about it, you know, filled with info on this situation alone. Then, the dominatrix becoming upset with the way the relationship was going and kicking out both her boyfriend and her slave, not expecting her ex-slave to end up living with her ex-boyfriend. Interesting stuff. And here I was, stressing about a simple temporary move to my father�s place, when as of yesterday I got 2 call-backs regarding possible employment.

Speaking of my father�s, and this is just adorable. Operation Fish Tank: Zim, being the doll that he is, agreed to help out Kitty and I in the retrieval of the 60-gallon fish tank, to get the monster and all it�s accoutrements over to Kitty�s place. Zim and I arrived first, and Dad showed me where I�ll be staying (the one room he had set up ahead of the others, his massage room). I could see step-stools and fixtures hanging, evidence that he�s been working on the electricity problem in the bathroom closest to the room I�d be using. I think it�ll be great to stay with him for a bit. A bitch to move my shit, don�t get me wrong, but great for many reasons. And the financial relief is just another extra benefit. Okay, so we get the tank over (Zim, strong like bull), and he and I leave Kitty with her messy-wessy tank and took off to grab some din-din.

We met up with a friend of his at Ruby�s, fun little diner in Mission Valley. They were going to see a movie, but I just can�t justify $8.50, people, I just can�t. So dinner, laughs, yum, and I headed home, thinking to relax for the evening. It was almost 9pm. I got home, jumped on the phone, checked my messages, heard information on a birthday party I wanted to go to, and no sooner had I hung up, did I finally notice Jen�s animated charade-like expressions, pointing towards my bathroom. He walked out, and I understood her silent gesticulation attack. A �friend�, acquaintance, understood partner in crime. He obviously had no where else to go. Half of his head (hair that was almost as long as mine) was butchered short in the back, and the first half (the front) was completely shaved. In his hand, my razor. On his head, my shaving cream. Okay, gonna be a long night.

I heard his story, of the crazy people he�d been staying with, keeping him high, trying to pin shit on him with the known snitches. This is the dark side, people. This is how high the whirlwind can take you, and the higher you fly, the farther and faster you fall. And he had landed right here, in my bathroom. I gave him a beer to calm him down (my fridge is full of them, I gotta be in the mood for beer, and I�m never in the mood for it at home). I wiped his head and sat him down as I shaved the back, the parts he couldn�t see. He thought it was a good enough disguise. And I was sad for him. I listened, I shaved, I instructed him to clean my bathroom (hair was everywhere, it looked like Chewbaca went through the shredder). When he had cleaned it to my satisfaction (Barb�s worse than the cops, do it the way she wants it, he said), I offered him a ride anywhere. �You just can�t stay here, hon. But I�ll take you anywhere you want, even LA if needs be.�

He was grateful, looked depressed, as it was all finally hitting him as he slowly sobered up. I�m going to check on him today, I know where he is. When I got home, it was 11pm. Guess I missed the party. I felt this strange, guilt-like elation that I have never had to run like that. That half the places I go to, friends and family, actually feel like home to me. I appreciated it more than I ever have, I think. And I felt so sad that there are so many I know, so many I don�t know, who don�t have anything like what I have. Safe havens.