This is it!!! For at least a few days. The modem HAS to be returned tomorrow or else they�ll pinch my nipples or something along those lines. Those sadistic Cox Communications bastards. Ah, what am I saying, they�ve been great so far (everything except the 411 information, those people have nothing listed and couldn�t find a number in the phone book, let alone whatever antiquated system they�re using). But I digress. Moving is moving along. I�m kidnapping Fizgig tomorrow to travel with me on my many errands and then put him to work with the furniture. If Bobo�s still breathing after he miraculously escapes yet another deadline, we�ll kidnap him in the afternoon to help.

And then, I�ll be moved! And then, the worst part of all -- the cleaning -- will commence. I can save that for Wednesday. I fucking hate to clean. Not the organizing type, but the scrubbing type. It�s just too tedious. But it�ll happen, and I�ll live through it. Tomorrow night (but Tuesday morning, according to the movie theaters) I�m going to see Lord of the Rings! Been waiting for this one. Ooh, Elijah. Mm, you lovely little hobbit, you. I can�t wait. Just hope I can stay awake, but then again, I have been slightly nocturnal lately. I can do it. Wait a tic! After the movie, I�d be going �home� to where my bed will have been moved to, my father�s place. That�s just so odd to think about for some reason. My first night there, and the movie doesn�t even end until 3am. Get used to this one, Dad, your daughter�s a night owl. Comin� home at all kinds of hours in the evening, morning, overlapping dawn.

I�m going to have to learn to feign �good� girl behavior. At least for a few months, when in his presence. I think I can handle that. Dad took me out to dinner last night, Chicken Pie Company, because it was chocolate cream pie night. He loves chocolate cream pie. We talked about how things work out, that there is a lesson in this for each of us. He said he�s really looking forward to the change and growth of having someone live with him for the first time in over 3 years. And me, well, all of this is a huge transition phase, so obviously much learning and growing will be taking place until I�m working full-time and living in my own place.

Update on the social scale: my friends are not settled. Something unsure is in the air, and I can sense it, feel it, smell it. People are on the verge of realizing that there are decisions that must be made and acted upon, and that life needs to move forward in one way or another. Floating in stagnant water will only create a putrid smell. No one seems to have anything figured out, because no one seems to be comfortable with what they think they want out of life right now. What they expect from those around them. What they expect from themselves and their senses of failure, with themselves and those they love. Failure abounds, and not because we are failing, but because we are unwilling to be pleased by anything right now. You can decide to be happy in any situation, you know. Look at Viktor Frankl. If you don�t know who that is, then that may explain why you haven�t realized the power within your conscious choices and actions, both mentally and physically.

People seem to have such turmoil, such self-doubt. Insecurities, over-compensating, not communicating, feeling wronged, betrayed, hurt, belittled, questioned, judged, mocked, distrusted, inept, not worthy. What a sad state to be stuck in. Everyone I know and love is beautiful, intelligent, talented, loving, supportive, open-minded, truthful, communicative, giving, and glowing in so many ways. I just wish that they could see that, be that, and behave as if they KNEW they WERE that. I�m working on it myself, you know. Being what could be considered the �best� of me. I want to be that, I want to share that, and I want that to be known and loved by all. Just as I want to know and love all that those around me have to share.

As I move and shake and figure out my life�s path (for now), as I work to find a job and find a place and find a person/lover I want to create a healthy relationship with, I will be smiling on everyone and wishing with whispers that at the end of this unsettled phase, we are ALL smiling genuine smiles. That we are ALL happy with where we are, who we are, and who we are with. If one of us is not happy or sure of any one of those things, then my hope is that the collective and loving whispered questions from loved ones will help them to figure out how they can get to a point where they can be happy with where they are, who they are, and who they are with.

You deserve to be happy. So figure out what �happy� is for you, and get there. In the meantime, I�ll see you on the roads to happiness, which are quite fun to frolic on and more than educational to explore.

"Everything can be taken from a man but ...the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." � Viktor Frankl (1905-1997) Author of Man�s Search for Meaning, and a Holocaust survivor

-Barbarella

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