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2002-05-01

General Update - Newsworthy stuff here!

Okay, WHAT?? A vice principal who made girls reveal their undergarments at a dance? Puritanical-self-righteous holy motherfucking bullwhacky! Whew! Just had to get that out. I will tell you, though, if they donít fire this bitch, I will personally drive to the campus andÖ do SOMETHING. I donít know what yet, but something must be done to rid campuses of overbearing mother-types who think that just because they are the authority, that simple common sense and morality does not apply to them. Off with her blouse!!

A quote that makes me smile lazily: ďAnd the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.Ē Ė Anais Nin, writer (1903-1977)

I am all kinds of kickiní out lately. Breaking out of the shell, trying new things with my psyche, my friends, the way I interact, how I respond to family drama, how I respond to my own private thoughts. How I am learning to alter them for the better. You may not notice any difference, so subtle these changes seem from the outside. But trust me, inside of my head they are huge. I have this tendency to over-analyze, over-stress, and over-think most everything that occurs in my life. Lately, I havenít been doing this even a quarter as much as I used to.

If something Iím thinking about is taxing me emotionally, I stop thinking about it. What was that quote from the other day? It is not events in our lives that are stressful, but what we THINK about those eventsÖ something like that. Well, Iím trying to limit my stressful thinking, is all. Itís difficult to do that after talking to someone whoís sole goal in life appears to be increasing that level of stress for them, and for anyone who interacts with them. Damn difficult.

Last night, as I was reading in bed, after a few conversations on the phone with friends, in a good mood, excited about a trip Bunny and I are taking to LA soon to visit Lizard , I got a call from my sister. And I could tell by her tone of voice that she was in a bad mood. In the span of a minute and a half, she managed to mimic me, mock me, insult me, and be generally rude to me. It took me a moment after she hung up following a sarcastically exaggerated ďpleasantĒ goodbye, to calm myself. To take a deep breath and shed the indignation I felt at having been interrupted by such blatant negativity.

I knew that if I sat there and thought, ďhow could she? What did I do to deserve that? Who does she think she is?Ē ANY of that, then I would be stuck in that feeling. And I was able to recognize that I do NOT like THAT feeling. So with a few more deep breaths, I forced it from my mind and continued to read. And it worked. I fell asleep with a smile and dreamed a thousand dreams. We choose what we give our attention to. Iím just not going to give mine frivolously anymore. Whether or not you notice this about me is not my concern. What IS my concern, is that you notice the smile that radiates out from my core. Iím working on making it wider, this silly grin of mine. And then, Iím working on making it contagious. I wish to be surrounded by smiles, genuine, giving, loving smiles, that contain no trace of jealousy, bitterness, resentment, or judgment. Think we can do that? Great.

-Barbarella

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2007-05-19
NEW SITE!!!!

2007-05-16
Links and Update

2007-05-09
Two Links

2007-05-06
Yes, Even MORE new pictures

2007-05-06
Mizz Asshole

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General Update - Newsworthy stuff here! 2002-05-01 9:48 a.m. Okay, WHAT?? A vice principal who made girls reveal their undergarments at a dance? Puritanical-self-righteous holy motherfucking bullwhacky! Whew! Just had to get that out. I will tell you, though, if they donít fire this bitch, I will personally drive to the campus andÖ do SOMETHING. I donít know what yet, but something must be done to rid campuses of overbearing mother-types who think that just because they are the authority, that simple common sense and morality does not apply to them. Off with her blouse!!

A quote that makes me smile lazily: ďAnd the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.Ē Ė Anais Nin, writer (1903-1977)

I am all kinds of kickiní out lately. Breaking out of the shell, trying new things with my psyche, my friends, the way I interact, how I respond to family drama, how I respond to my own private thoughts. How I am learning to alter them for the better. You may not notice any difference, so subtle these changes seem from the outside. But trust me, inside of my head they are huge. I have this tendency to over-analyze, over-stress, and over-think most everything that occurs in my life. Lately, I havenít been doing this even a quarter as much as I used to.

If something Iím thinking about is taxing me emotionally, I stop thinking about it. What was that quote from the other day? It is not events in our lives that are stressful, but what we THINK about those eventsÖ something like that. Well, Iím trying to limit my stressful thinking, is all. Itís difficult to do that after talking to someone whoís sole goal in life appears to be increasing that level of stress for them, and for anyone who interacts with them. Damn difficult.

Last night, as I was reading in bed, after a few conversations on the phone with friends, in a good mood, excited about a trip Bunny and I are taking to LA soon to visit Lizard , I got a call from my sister. And I could tell by her tone of voice that she was in a bad mood. In the span of a minute and a half, she managed to mimic me, mock me, insult me, and be generally rude to me. It took me a moment after she hung up following a sarcastically exaggerated ďpleasantĒ goodbye, to calm myself. To take a deep breath and shed the indignation I felt at having been interrupted by such blatant negativity.

I knew that if I sat there and thought, ďhow could she? What did I do to deserve that? Who does she think she is?Ē ANY of that, then I would be stuck in that feeling. And I was able to recognize that I do NOT like THAT feeling. So with a few more deep breaths, I forced it from my mind and continued to read. And it worked. I fell asleep with a smile and dreamed a thousand dreams. We choose what we give our attention to. Iím just not going to give mine frivolously anymore. Whether or not you notice this about me is not my concern. What IS my concern, is that you notice the smile that radiates out from my core. Iím working on making it wider, this silly grin of mine. And then, Iím working on making it contagious. I wish to be surrounded by smiles, genuine, giving, loving smiles, that contain no trace of jealousy, bitterness, resentment, or judgment. Think we can do that? Great.