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2002-06-05

Suffer, my sister

�Saturated U.S. fast-food� market, you say? More like U.S. saturated-fat food market. This is just THAT much more interesting to me after reading Fast Food Nation: the Dark Side of the All-American Meal. And the plot thickens like the grease in our blood.

You know what�s really got my goat lately? People�s senses of expectation. It�s so obvious to me, where there is relief in my life, is where I don�t feel measured against some ludicrous level of expectation. Or even a standard �reasonable� level, if such a level exists anywhere other than our egos. For the most part, I feel no stress or obligation. I used to be bogged down by obligation, living up to expectations, etc. Now I find that where I am showing up, making emotional deposits, I am getting such joy and genuine appreciation that things that used to seem like obligation to me, are now pleasant parts of my life and my actions.

So it�s hard for me to watch someone I love, who is presently incapable of seeing through the muck of her expectations and unreasonable indignation, curse the world for what she doesn�t have. Having done nothing to earn it. Sometimes, you just want the power to SHOW someone, peel back the dark and negative film covering her eyes and REVEAL all that is there, all that she �should� be grateful for. To wish a day of happiness and joy for her, with no hints of anger or resentment, and knowing , with the past as an example, that it just ain�t gonna happen like that, not that easily. Not without an exceptionally difficult and painful lesson. That�s hard.

We each have our paths. We each have patterns we get stuck in. For some of us, it�s simply a matter of widening our eyes a bit, recognizing what doesn�t work, and stepping slightly to the side, another path that angles just so, that it veers in another direction and allows a clear view of our world, whereas before, we were peeking through the brush of our manifested obstacles. For others, more stubborn to the rightness of their ways, less open to the possibility and comfort of change, it takes much more.

For these striving souls, feet and paths can be warn from years of walking in the same pattern, until it becomes a circle, and they are only walking towards themselves, around and around. Wondering why they never get anywhere. It may take a tragic and serrated severing of something they are attached to, having it cruelly ripped from their clutches, being finally forced to look at other paths, for there is nothing left but emotional carnage on this one.

I don�t want that for her. Until now, we�ve been helping her fill the gaps and pad the sharp edges. Maybe that�s not what we need to be doing. Maybe the only way she�ll get it, is to cut herself on those same edges, and fall in that deep hole for awhile. I love her too much to help her be unhappy anymore. I know that a short-period of pain and suffering is what is necessary for her to get off of this path of misery, and on to one that allows her to walk where darkness doesn't cover so much of the way. We�ll see.

-Barbarella

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2007-05-19
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Suffer, my sister 2002-06-05 2:42 p.m. �Saturated U.S. fast-food� market, you say? More like U.S. saturated-fat food market. This is just THAT much more interesting to me after reading Fast Food Nation: the Dark Side of the All-American Meal. And the plot thickens like the grease in our blood.

You know what�s really got my goat lately? People�s senses of expectation. It�s so obvious to me, where there is relief in my life, is where I don�t feel measured against some ludicrous level of expectation. Or even a standard �reasonable� level, if such a level exists anywhere other than our egos. For the most part, I feel no stress or obligation. I used to be bogged down by obligation, living up to expectations, etc. Now I find that where I am showing up, making emotional deposits, I am getting such joy and genuine appreciation that things that used to seem like obligation to me, are now pleasant parts of my life and my actions.

So it�s hard for me to watch someone I love, who is presently incapable of seeing through the muck of her expectations and unreasonable indignation, curse the world for what she doesn�t have. Having done nothing to earn it. Sometimes, you just want the power to SHOW someone, peel back the dark and negative film covering her eyes and REVEAL all that is there, all that she �should� be grateful for. To wish a day of happiness and joy for her, with no hints of anger or resentment, and knowing , with the past as an example, that it just ain�t gonna happen like that, not that easily. Not without an exceptionally difficult and painful lesson. That�s hard.

We each have our paths. We each have patterns we get stuck in. For some of us, it�s simply a matter of widening our eyes a bit, recognizing what doesn�t work, and stepping slightly to the side, another path that angles just so, that it veers in another direction and allows a clear view of our world, whereas before, we were peeking through the brush of our manifested obstacles. For others, more stubborn to the rightness of their ways, less open to the possibility and comfort of change, it takes much more.

For these striving souls, feet and paths can be warn from years of walking in the same pattern, until it becomes a circle, and they are only walking towards themselves, around and around. Wondering why they never get anywhere. It may take a tragic and serrated severing of something they are attached to, having it cruelly ripped from their clutches, being finally forced to look at other paths, for there is nothing left but emotional carnage on this one.

I don�t want that for her. Until now, we�ve been helping her fill the gaps and pad the sharp edges. Maybe that�s not what we need to be doing. Maybe the only way she�ll get it, is to cut herself on those same edges, and fall in that deep hole for awhile. I love her too much to help her be unhappy anymore. I know that a short-period of pain and suffering is what is necessary for her to get off of this path of misery, and on to one that allows her to walk where darkness doesn't cover so much of the way. We�ll see.