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2002-06-26

Misanthropy, make room for Disappointment

�The sparrow is sorry for the peacock at the burden of his tail.� � Rabindranath Tagore, poet, philospher, author, songwriter, painter, educator, composer, Nobel laureate (1861-1941)

Listen carefully, children, I�m going to tell you a little story. And at the end of this story, I�m going to ask you a question, so you must pay attention to my words:

Mr. X and Ms. M were dating. One day, Mr. X shared something with Ms. M about his past, confiding in her and believing her to be trustworthy, for they shared a bed. Ms. M listened attentively, offering words and solace and the love she is so well known for giving. Over time, for whatever reasons, they stopped dating.

Ms. M and Ms. Y are friends. Ms. Y begins to date Mr. X. They are dating, they are getting to know each other, they are sharing a bed. One day, while Mr. X was home, the two girlfriends were at a party together, far, far away from town.

At some point during this excursion, Ms. M tells Ms. Y that Mr. X is a bad man, and uses a distorted version of his personal story, shared in confidence years ago, as her evidence of his nature. Ms. Y returns home, and late one night, brings this very thing up to Mr. X. Shocked, bewildered, betrayed, and completely angry, he explodes in a fit of emotion, and tells Ms. Y to leave in the ugliest of ways. Ms. Y goes to Ms. M for comfort, along with other friends who are now ALL aware of this painful and personal part of Mr. X�s past, however now distorted.

Ms. Y is upset. Mr. X is upset. Friends around them both are upset. It is not for any of us friends to decide who is good and who is bad in a situation that we are not involved in, in emotions we did not have. I am curious, though�

What was the true intention behind the betrayed confidence? When you know that nothing positive can come out of a situation, why be the one to create it? It seems vindictive to me. Mr. X is my friend. Ms. Y is my friend. Regardless of their feelings toward each other after this emotional bomb, my friendship with each is not affected. I won�t let that happen. I must say, though, I wouldn�t mind it much at all if my path never again crosses that of the instigator of this ugly situation. To betray a confidence with no possible positive outcome.

So there�s the story. Now, the question: Why would someone, such as Ms. M, feel the �calling� to be the person, as Mr. X�s ex, and Ms. Y�s friend, to bring this upon them?

Just something to think about. This is exactly one of the reasons I've strayed farther from these groups-of-friends situations. People who don't know they're own intentions, don't consider ramifications, until it's too late. I'd rather read a book every Saturday night than deal with the niceties of those I don't trust. And I'm trusting less and less these days.

Nothing I say feels sacred anymore. Nothing anyone says feels sacred. Not when real people and real feelings are cheapened as the price for an anecdote. People fucking disappoint me.

-Barbarella

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Misanthropy, make room for Disappointment 2002-06-26 11:46 a.m. �The sparrow is sorry for the peacock at the burden of his tail.� � Rabindranath Tagore, poet, philospher, author, songwriter, painter, educator, composer, Nobel laureate (1861-1941)

Listen carefully, children, I�m going to tell you a little story. And at the end of this story, I�m going to ask you a question, so you must pay attention to my words:

Mr. X and Ms. M were dating. One day, Mr. X shared something with Ms. M about his past, confiding in her and believing her to be trustworthy, for they shared a bed. Ms. M listened attentively, offering words and solace and the love she is so well known for giving. Over time, for whatever reasons, they stopped dating.

Ms. M and Ms. Y are friends. Ms. Y begins to date Mr. X. They are dating, they are getting to know each other, they are sharing a bed. One day, while Mr. X was home, the two girlfriends were at a party together, far, far away from town.

At some point during this excursion, Ms. M tells Ms. Y that Mr. X is a bad man, and uses a distorted version of his personal story, shared in confidence years ago, as her evidence of his nature. Ms. Y returns home, and late one night, brings this very thing up to Mr. X. Shocked, bewildered, betrayed, and completely angry, he explodes in a fit of emotion, and tells Ms. Y to leave in the ugliest of ways. Ms. Y goes to Ms. M for comfort, along with other friends who are now ALL aware of this painful and personal part of Mr. X�s past, however now distorted.

Ms. Y is upset. Mr. X is upset. Friends around them both are upset. It is not for any of us friends to decide who is good and who is bad in a situation that we are not involved in, in emotions we did not have. I am curious, though�

What was the true intention behind the betrayed confidence? When you know that nothing positive can come out of a situation, why be the one to create it? It seems vindictive to me. Mr. X is my friend. Ms. Y is my friend. Regardless of their feelings toward each other after this emotional bomb, my friendship with each is not affected. I won�t let that happen. I must say, though, I wouldn�t mind it much at all if my path never again crosses that of the instigator of this ugly situation. To betray a confidence with no possible positive outcome.

So there�s the story. Now, the question: Why would someone, such as Ms. M, feel the �calling� to be the person, as Mr. X�s ex, and Ms. Y�s friend, to bring this upon them?

Just something to think about. This is exactly one of the reasons I've strayed farther from these groups-of-friends situations. People who don't know they're own intentions, don't consider ramifications, until it's too late. I'd rather read a book every Saturday night than deal with the niceties of those I don't trust. And I'm trusting less and less these days.

Nothing I say feels sacred anymore. Nothing anyone says feels sacred. Not when real people and real feelings are cheapened as the price for an anecdote. People fucking disappoint me.