Cubans are defecting, Israelis are being bombed, countries are fighting and children are dying. You know what my great big concern was yesterday? Submarina was out of avocados. THAT�S IT! Perspective, Barbarella, I silently reminded myself while teetering dangerously on the border of a complete tantrum in the popular sandwich shop.

To think, while mothers spend 1/3rd of their income on water for their children in Haiti, the only thing I didn�t get that I wanted yesterday was a green nut delicacy to add to my 6�. My worries are trivial. When I remind myself of that, I feel silly for getting upset at all over such petty things. I feel lucky. Almost guilty, that with all I have in this life, I find something to complain about. Funny, I usually think that way about other people. I think, how can they be so upset? Look at all they have that is not being appreciated, as that energy is being spent on wanting more?

Just a scratch at the surface of a thought for you. Think about it. Last night was lovely, Spider Monkey cooked from scratch the most delicious Tortilla Soup. Wowzer! Bluetech and I enjoyed it immensely. We talked over dinner, laughed and savored the fresh flavors on our taste buds. I had some wonderful conversation with Bluetech; it�s rare that someone can communicate poetic streams of thought so eloquently.

I miss my sisters. They get back Wednesday, and I can�t wait to see them. I hear the baby is crawling now, and my eyes burn with the want to see that little laughing Irish-poster-child face, those big blue eyes. Never knew I�d be such a sucker for a kid, like I am for my perfect nephew. Then, my dad�s going to Korea for almost a month. I have no idea how I plan to keep fresh orange juice in the house. And I have a feeling the place will seem lonely, which has never been much of a concern for me before (again, great conversationalists are few and far between� so much so that you notice when they are gone).

Some people really bug the fuck out of me. But what bugs me the most, is that there is nothing I can really do except deal with them when I�m forced to share a space, and keep my distance the rest of the time. I dreamt two things last night: that I had a zit on my cheek, and that I had an argument with a born-again Christian. I attribute the argument (and my brilliantly researched and witty remarks to my bible-thumper) to the book I�m reading.

Mawer�s writing is beautiful, and his statements are more thought-provoking than anything I�ve read in a long time. And for the record, I like to indulge myself in being annoyed and driven to anger by another on occasion, hence my previous statement about people I actively dislike (see � �bug the fuck� above). It may be base, but it brings immediate energy and distraction, which is curiously pleasing. I may be appreciative of my lot in life. I may love more than I hate. But I�m not a fucking saint. And I am happy with my balance.

-Barbarella

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