Last night was so much fun! I headed down to the Museum of Contemporary Art with a crew, to see the evening�s art opening and a performance art piece by a friend, Jenn Martino, wife of Chris , another friend of our crew. An awesome couple, by the way. The place was packed, the crowd was great. About a hundred or so young professionals of San Diego. Mmmm, peeeers. Jenn�s piece was brilliant, well-executed, funny and poignant. The show was about women�s obsession with body-image and eating. I�m really happy I went.

After the museum, we all headed down to Fusion, where Fizgig was spinning up some magic music. I had a blast on the floor with Spider Monkey and Skater Tim. We polka�d, we waltzed, we acted like idiots and laughed our asses off. And I was home by 11:30pm (NOT going to pull what I did last week� most I�ve had to drink since last Thursday night was two beers). An hour of reading, a good night�s sleep, and early at the office, feeling fucking great!

Everything perfect and going well. But there is something off right now. Something upsetting in my life, which saddens and frustrates me in ways I cannot explain. I feel like there�s nothing I can do to help. My dad�s going to be gone (Korea of all places), so I won�t have his regular input. I have a feeling I�ll be turning to my brother, my sisters, and a handful of something� I don�t know yet.

But this morning, I was reminded that things aren�t perfect; not for everybody. It�s SO gut-wrenching to love someone who is depressed and unwilling, almost unable, to get help. To help themselves. I have two of those in my life right now. Maybe three. I feel almost guilty, being happy and free of conflict because I�m not involved. But does that mean I want to get involved? Would it bring them up? Or just bring me down?

These are the questions I�ll be pondering this weekend, as I flit from one thing to the next in my otherwise carefree life. How to help, what to say, what to do, and when to let go. How the hell do you let go when someone you love is hurting so much?

When they start to hurt you too.

-Barbarella

previous | next