Holy Frozen Nipple, Batman! I do believe a storm�s a brewin�. It�s COLD outside. This morning goes down as the first morning this week that I feel awake and alert. I honestly think I haven�t been sleeping well, which could explain why I�ve been so unbelievably exhausted all week. Last night, though, I had a drink with alcohol in it, which must have been the perfect sedative to mellow me the fuck out and allow me to sleep soundly. Aahhhh, very nice. And I could attribute to the Cake song I heard shortly before heading off to bed the fact that I was very aware of just where my fingers were as I drifted off to dreamland.

Yes, I know, they caught the sniper . Moving right along, what are you thinking, Nick ? Hmm? That we were not just begging for a reason to post that picture again? Huh? What do you have to say for yourself? God, man, pull your shit together, you look like crap and you�re slowly withering away. Or at least take another updated and comparatively fucked-up photo so that we have something new and different, but just as satisfying to our sick little minds to look at. Got it? Great.

Everything looks like it�s going to be okay on the mother-front. Appointment went well, things not as bad as they could be, not by a long shot. This is good. Things are better at work � I dropped a thousand balls yesterday, and you can only pick so many back up. But I did, I picked some up, and the attitude of my boss, rightful owner and She-Who-Holds-Ultimate-Responsibility for the lovely glass china balls she had to watch me shatter at her feet, was surprising. She understood, she had a great disposition throughout the day, and as I dealt with her and blurted my confessions of a BALListic �sphere�-ocide maniac, she couldn�t have been more supportive. Fabulous.

There is too much happening this weekend. There are Halloween parties, and not only do I NOT have a costume this year, I don�t even want to THINK about what I want to be. I can�t deal. I don�t want to be anything this year. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck. I don�t want to be the SAME thing I was last year, though I still have all that I need � corset, wig, white paint, and I always have red lipstick lying around. Sigh. Can�t do it. I may just show up to gatherings without a costume, but NO! Okay, I�ll come back to that, I have another day or so to make a decision or just disappear.

Tonight is the END of an ERA. LAST night of Hedonism. That�s it, it�s over. The club I�ve called �home� in San Diego for the last (calculating how long it�s been since I got that fake ID that actually worked � first one was taken away at the door, oh the humiliation) 6 years or so. And John is NOT even going to be there! That�s killing me, I�m trying to cope with the fact that my dear friend and STAPLE of Hedo, is going to be out of town. Breathe in�. exhale. I�ll be fine. Tonight, I dance. Tomorrow night, I gallery. Saturday night, I may just costume. Only time and my ever-capricious nature will tell.

-Barbarella

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