It�s obscene, how much money and time I save by bringing my breakfast to work instead of buying it on the way in.

I just raised my voice at a lawyer. Oh, yes I did. This is that one I�ve spoken of before, Ms. I-couldn�t-communicate-to-fucking-save-my-life-let-alone-make-sense-in-the-office-yet-somehow-I-managed-to-finagle-this-degree-so-you-have-to-listen-to-me-even-though-everything-that-comes-out-of-my-mouth-is-incoherent-babble. I think that's her given name, at least.

An investigator and I were asked to step into her office for a sec, go over a pending case, wrongful death or manslaughter� I held the reports in my hand, was involved in an exchange with the investigator about some things we need to do to get it rolling, and she just kept nagging me to sit down in the chair next to him! �Have a seat, Barb, make yourself comfortable, sit down� sit down�� �I�M FINE, thank you. Listen� I�M NOT GOING to SIT there, so STOP telling me to!!!� She left her own office with a huff and a �fine!� and allowed us to finish our conversation.

There is nothing in this world that is more infuriating to me than someone who simply CANNOT communicate effectively. Spit it out, shut up, tell me what you need, get to the point, UNDERSTAND my answers or ask for clarification, et cetera. Fuckers. I had a little communication incident with my mother on the phone right before this one at work. �I need Jane�s new number, do you have it? She left me a message days ago, and I haven�t see her in a month, I�m beginning to forget what she looks like and God, how I miss her.� My mother didn�t have the number on hand, no worries, but she said the oddest thing to me � �Jane EXPECTS you to be there on Sunday, Barb, you better make it.� Ahem� excuse me?

Now, this is something I just will never understand. Family members who assume that another member has told me about an event/function/gathering/whatever and I am told last minute that I HAVE to drop everything in my life to be at said event, even if no one got around to actually telling me about it. Uh-uh. This drives me insane. When I say, �let me check my schedule, I�d love to help and be around,� I get angry answers, �she NEEDS you, family�s more important, can�t you change your plans for your family?� Same shit, different day. I used to fly off the handle in my own defense and attempts at explaining logic over emotion. Now, I just calmly state the facts: �Huh. That�s interesting, I haven�t heard of anything happening on Sunday. No, I haven�t spoken to Jane in weeks. No, she didn�t tell me either. I�m sure she needs me� I�d love to help, but you must understand that it is inappropriate to EXPECT me to help in a situation I know nothing about yet� how about this � I�ll talk to HER and I�ll work it out with HER. Don�t you worry about a thing, no reason for you to get worked up over the possibility that I may not be able to fulfill an obligation to someone else that I never made. I love you too.�

Whew! See how much energy it takes to communicate things that people should ALREADY GET? My mother is nothing compared to this incompetent at the office. I avoid this lawyer here at work like the plague. It�s all I can do not to slap her in the face until she shuts up sometimes. I don�t mind a chatty-Cathy, not at all� it�s when she is chatty and still manages to express not one coherent thought. It�s an anomaly, really it is.

Anyway, enough of my bitching. I had a wonderful evening last night, dinner with friends (mmm, Spider Monkey makes a mean beef stew � or should I say, �wicked yummy�), then a movie and sweet sleep. My morning was perfect, and so was my nearly free turkey and slice-o�-bread breakfast. Yet somehow, this infuriating woman is tap-tap-tapping one of the few buttons I have in a maddening rhythm, and I feel for the rest of my coworkers today -- at my limit with idiocy, I fear what I may say to the next stupid comment or retarded request. Oh my, good thing I�m having lunch with John today. Maybe I�ll come back this afternoon in less of a mood to kill.

Then again, I'm looking forward to getting to use my sarcasm reserves as I glide through one of my more misanthropic days... evil.

-Barbarella

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