ďNo man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.Ē - John Donne, poet (1573-1631)
Oh, John, you sweet-talkiní humanist. Ask not for whom the bell tolls - this afternoon, it tolls for ME. Thatís right, I was wrong yesterday. My dentist appointment for drills and chills is THIS afternoon. I want to be knocked unconscious upon entering that den of pain, with its innocuous posters and TV screens of smiles all around. Evil! Now I know how my cats must feel when I turn on the water for the shower, and they screech and run as fast as they can, as far away as they can, hiding until the sound of wet stops.
My desk is a mess behind me. Covered in paperwork, and Iím just a bit behind, as is expected when you work on 25 cases simultaneously. I remember when 5 seemed like too many. Deadlines and lawyers calling, clients wanting to know the status, ďDo I get to go to trial? Will we settle soon? What do I tell these insurance people who keep calling me?Ē One step at a time, I cannot get overwhelmed, not today, not before the fillings. Too much anxiety running rampant within me, too many bossy women telling me what to do this morning. Haha, I should mention, one of them raised her voice at me yesterday, in her own frustration and confusion. I donít feel like calming down histrionic hellions today. Iím just trying to lay low, get some shit done, and be on my way to the torture chamber.
Onto better news, everything went very smoothly at my meeting last night. It will cost me an arm and a tit to pay off these school loans, but I want that degree now, and I signed the papers. Working full time and schooling, God, I havenít done that since I was 19. Iím excited. I want to be BUSY. I want to get things DONE. I want to LEARN, and IMPROVE, and grow as close to my potential as I can get. No, not reach it, just get really close. Once you reach your potential, you might as well die. Thatís what life is, if you think about it - our struggle to reach our human potential in every way possible.
Alright, enough babble, Iíve got this clientís discovery glaring at my face. My sister is back from New York, and I look forward to catching up with her as my Novocain wears off later. Nothing like laughing through pain with someone you love. Sigh, love is good.