Busy, BUSY girl! Itís been a long time since my calendar was this booked. Feels good, though. I like to have things to look forward to, people to see, friends to visit with, events to attend. I feed on social activity.
Itís also busy in the office. In my dreams last night, I was balking at having to work a certain way, without certain amenities, without my wonderful office, computer, and phone. I was complaining and bitching and moaning. Then, a pointed glare from a woman jarred me, snapped me out of my bitch-session, and stunned me into thinking from a different perspective. In my dream, I thought, How dare I complain about these conditions? Just because Iíve had it nice, doesnít mean Iím entitled to having it nice, especially if others who have worked harder, longer, have never enjoyed such luxeries. Thatís the LAST time I will have little moral epiphanies in MY dreams, next time I better be flying.
But it did make me think, a lot. This morning I came in frustrated, more bosses than ever, everyone telling me to do something different with my time, making it impossible for me to help them, because four people have four projects that need to be done TODAY, and I can only do about two. Which leaves two people upset and complaining that Iím not helping them, that Iím not ďdoing my job.Ē Itís a tough spot right now, as we transition someone out and someone else in. And here I am, catching all of these balls that are being THROWN at me, full speed, and Iím expected not to drop any.
My stress level is high right now. I found myself taking VERY deep breaths just a short while ago, trying to steady my breathing, trying not to cry from that overwhelmed, canít-do-it-all feeling. Trying not to feel inadequate because I canít do the impossible, not today.
Tonight Iím having dinner with my father. Tomorrow night, Iím getting my hair done and going to a party. Saturday, Iím having lunch with an old friend and then accompanying M.s. to a MOPA preview. Sunday night Iíll be out a bar, Quiz Night, and thank FUCKING GOD I have Monday off. To do homework. See what I mean? Busy. Busy, busy, busy, and Iím being told what to do by a handful of people who do not say ďplease.Ē
A little please goes a long way. But for me, itís necessary for motivation. Today, I am grateful that I have a job to bitch about. However, this does not lessen my stress.
Someone gave me a Xanax. I think Iíll take it. Iím just a few short requests-without-pleases away from having a full-blown anxiety attack.