The word of the day is ďcorybantic,Ē defined by AWAD as ďwild; frenzied; uncontrolled.Ē Named after some psycho goddess who performed ďecstaticĒ dances. Okay, WHY am I just now learning this word? I could have used this when I lived in Los Angeles, you know, back in my corybantic days, when I would party corybantically all weekend. What a waste.
Well, at least I have a way to describe myself accurately in retrospect, in my memoirs perhaps. We all think weíre so fucking interesting, donít we. I admit it. I find myself endlessly fascinating, which is one of the reasons I journal so much. It entertains me to document my interesting thoughts and poignant recollections. It makes me feel like I know myself. Knowing myself helps me figure out what I want and how I want to be.
Lately, Iíve been pretty proud of myself. I think of how I quit smoking (a year in December, you know). Iím proud that after 8 years of puffing, it was so easy for me to stop. Iím proud that Iím going back to school, even if Iíll be paying for that loan for the rest of my life. This pride is supposed to be a bad thing, right? Doesnít it say something like that in some old storybook? I forget. But I donít want to question it, because it feels so good. It feels better than ecstasy, better than any high Iíve ever had (yes, even that 3-day concoction of happiness), because it lasts longer, and it keeps getting better.
Iím still so far from my peak. I have so much more to learn and so much more to do, and Iím looking forward to all of it. Iím looking forward to becoming even MORE interesting. Iím looking forward to being able to offer more to the world. To myself.
Coco Chanel had more inspiration than perfume, you know. She said, ďHow many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.Ē
Iím happy this morning because I am. Thatís all. Two little words. I am. Any words after those two, will be put there by me and me only. That is what I will believe, that is what I will become, and that is what will dictate my actions and my feelings.
What do YOU say after ďI am?Ē Think about it. Because thatís exactly what you are.