The word of the day is �corybantic,� defined by AWAD as �wild; frenzied; uncontrolled.� Named after some psycho goddess who performed �ecstatic� dances. Okay, WHY am I just now learning this word? I could have used this when I lived in Los Angeles, you know, back in my corybantic days, when I would party corybantically all weekend. What a waste.

Well, at least I have a way to describe myself accurately in retrospect, in my memoirs perhaps. We all think we�re so fucking interesting, don�t we. I admit it. I find myself endlessly fascinating, which is one of the reasons I journal so much. It entertains me to document my interesting thoughts and poignant recollections. It makes me feel like I know myself. Knowing myself helps me figure out what I want and how I want to be.

Lately, I�ve been pretty proud of myself. I think of how I quit smoking (a year in December, you know). I�m proud that after 8 years of puffing, it was so easy for me to stop. I�m proud that I�m going back to school, even if I�ll be paying for that loan for the rest of my life. This pride is supposed to be a bad thing, right? Doesn�t it say something like that in some old storybook? I forget. But I don�t want to question it, because it feels so good. It feels better than ecstasy, better than any high I�ve ever had (yes, even that 3-day concoction of happiness), because it lasts longer, and it keeps getting better.

I�m still so far from my peak. I have so much more to learn and so much more to do, and I�m looking forward to all of it. I�m looking forward to becoming even MORE interesting. I�m looking forward to being able to offer more to the world. To myself.

Coco Chanel had more inspiration than perfume, you know. She said, �How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.�

I�m happy this morning because I am. That�s all. Two little words. I am. Any words after those two, will be put there by me and me only. That is what I will believe, that is what I will become, and that is what will dictate my actions and my feelings.

What do YOU say after �I am?� Think about it. Because that�s exactly what you are.

-Barbarella

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