ďWe deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them.Ē - Carl Jung
Writing so late in the day. Man, itís been a long one! I am in need of a little break. But alas, I have homework to do. So after work, I will crawl into my bed with my kitties, my laptop, and my ugly brown school book. Perhaps not so ugly, I mean, it does match my dress suit today.
I got very stressed this morning over something that had not happened, something that may not even happen, something that I was creating in my head. I have a tendency to do that. It reminds me of this quote by a guy named Hale, ďNever bear more than one kind of trouble at a time. Some people bear three kinds; all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to have.Ē Iím a two-trouble sort of gal. Usually stressing about things yet to come (otherwise known as a ďworry-wart,Ē flattering as that sounds).
I knew I would have an interaction with someone today regarding a case. Every past interaction with this person has left me feeling some pretty ugly feelings - anger, frustration, resentment, stress, etc. Just knowing that I would have to deal with her, I automatically felt flustered, upset, stressed, angry... but nothing had happened yet! There were no rude comments or accusations, fuck, I hadnít even HEARD from her, but there I was, heart beating fast, upset and freaked out.
I did deal with her, and it was no big deal. She had some digs, sure, but thatís what she does and thatís why no one is working with her and why after this case, I will no longer be forced to work with her. But they didnít kill me. Annoying abrasions to my pride, if anything. I can handle that. Abrasions are fine. The old Chinese proverb says a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials. I remember that when I am freaking out. I try to remember that when Iím stressing out over something that hasnít even happened, something that may never happen.
All Iím doing is wasting my energy when I worry about the future. All Iím doing is wasting my time when I worry about the past. So Iím going to continue focusing on right now. And right now, I need to get the hell out of this office and home to hit the books. Because right now, Iím working on getting my degree so that I donít have to worry so much about my future.