ďEarth laughs in flowers.Ē - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Yesterday was traumatic. Here I thought I could handle the dentist. As long as I donít have any caffeine, as long as they donít give me that stuff that speeds up my heart, I really thought Iíd be relaxed and okay this time. Nope. That weak-ass shit they injected into my cheek wore off mid-drill. I freaked out, they had to take a break (more like they had to let me take a break). He was rough with my cheek, and Iím very sore today. Iíll live.
Iíve been cranky and tired and achy and bitchy for the last several days. I needed to get it all out of my system before our big trip! Tomorrow morning M.s. and I fly out to New York. Yay! This morning, M.s. was adorable, all smiles and compliments. Iím really looking forward to our trip. Iím just tying up loose ends at the office, and giving an oral presentation in class tonight, and then we fly at dawn. Talk about a packed schedule! My aunts will be picking us up at the airport and taking us back to their brownstone for dinner.
Thursday night is the show! I hope this horrible science experiment of a blemish on my chin goes away before then - if only I can keep from touching it, picking at it! When asked what the hell happened to my chin by a coworker this morning, I replied, "Let's just say I had a zitcident." But back to my trip! I will see Aunt Carol, Uncle Jimmy, cousin Cindy, and who knows who else! It will be such a delight to show off my man, his work, and my family all at the same time. I like these little getaways.
Itís a good time to get away. Iím struggling internally with mixed feelings Iíve been having for some members of my nuclear family. My motherís father is in town for the month. Heís in his 80s, quite feeble, and very ill. He got here about a week ago and has already been taken to the hospital twice. My mother is exhausted, now back at work from her vacation and taking care of her ill father - a trip to the emergency room is an all night affair. Iíve pretty much given up on my younger sister for now. Iím not going to go into what happened on New Yearís Eve, but suffice it to say at 24 years old, she still has no clue.
I will no longer attempt to explain myself or why my priorities are the way they are. Iím tired of being frustrated and angry, upset and hurt. So I decided to detach and limit my interaction with her. So far, so good. Thereís a noticeable decline in my stress level since I made this decision not to deal with her. I have mixed feelings about this too.
So I will take this trip with my love, I will see people I care about and maybe I will even see snow! I will enjoy our fancy HOTEL , especially the ever-so comfortable bedding and the Japanese soaking tub. Oh, yes.
And I will smile and laugh at every chance I get.