�Earth laughs in flowers.� - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Yesterday was traumatic. Here I thought I could handle the dentist. As long as I don�t have any caffeine, as long as they don�t give me that stuff that speeds up my heart, I really thought I�d be relaxed and okay this time. Nope. That weak-ass shit they injected into my cheek wore off mid-drill. I freaked out, they had to take a break (more like they had to let me take a break). He was rough with my cheek, and I�m very sore today. I�ll live.

I�ve been cranky and tired and achy and bitchy for the last several days. I needed to get it all out of my system before our big trip! Tomorrow morning M.s. and I fly out to New York. Yay! This morning, M.s. was adorable, all smiles and compliments. I�m really looking forward to our trip. I�m just tying up loose ends at the office, and giving an oral presentation in class tonight, and then we fly at dawn. Talk about a packed schedule! My aunts will be picking us up at the airport and taking us back to their brownstone for dinner.

Thursday night is the show! I hope this horrible science experiment of a blemish on my chin goes away before then - if only I can keep from touching it, picking at it! When asked what the hell happened to my chin by a coworker this morning, I replied, "Let's just say I had a zitcident." But back to my trip! I will see Aunt Carol, Uncle Jimmy, cousin Cindy, and who knows who else! It will be such a delight to show off my man, his work, and my family all at the same time. I like these little getaways.

It�s a good time to get away. I�m struggling internally with mixed feelings I�ve been having for some members of my nuclear family. My mother�s father is in town for the month. He�s in his 80s, quite feeble, and very ill. He got here about a week ago and has already been taken to the hospital twice. My mother is exhausted, now back at work from her vacation and taking care of her ill father - a trip to the emergency room is an all night affair. I�ve pretty much given up on my younger sister for now. I�m not going to go into what happened on New Year�s Eve, but suffice it to say at 24 years old, she still has no clue.

I will no longer attempt to explain myself or why my priorities are the way they are. I�m tired of being frustrated and angry, upset and hurt. So I decided to detach and limit my interaction with her. So far, so good. There�s a noticeable decline in my stress level since I made this decision not to deal with her. I have mixed feelings about this too.

So I will take this trip with my love, I will see people I care about and maybe I will even see snow! I will enjoy our fancy HOTEL , especially the ever-so comfortable bedding and the Japanese soaking tub. Oh, yes.

And I will smile and laugh at every chance I get.

-Barbarella

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