I've been reading up on manipulation and shit like that. Good reminders abound, things like "if you fear saying NO, or will resent saying YES, you are a victim." I've been working on my guilt issues ever since catholic school, and no, I won't capitalize the "c". I found this web site in my searches, and it reminded me of an old coworker. Actually, it reminded me of several coworkers at several places of employment over the past several years.
This quote by Chuck Galozzi is the best definition I found for why people need to guilt others or manipulate others: Why do some people try to manipulate others? Because they’re weak. Weak people are not to be feared, but to be pitied. Their weakness comes in many forms and includes feelings of inadequacy and incompetence. They try to get others to do what they believe they cannot do. They try to compensate for their feelings of powerlessness by gaining power over others. He also had a great definition for why assholes are the way they are: "Also, people who live miserable lives like to make others miserable too. When they are successful in doing so, they find some relief by diverting their attention from their own pain to the pain of others."
Sadly enough, it reminds me of a few people I love. People who don't like hearing the word "no," those who can't stand to be turned down. Those who belittle their perceived "rejectors."
When I think of all the assholes I've had to share an office with, all the friends I've tossed in my "cleaning house" periods, when I flush out the stinky old and invite the inspirational new, I think of the wonderful lessons life has taught me.
I think of the power I gain every time I make a decision for ME, and not for those I've wanted to like me. There's something liberating about not giving a shit about toxic people. I thank those people. They have given me something I never could have found on my own -- strength.
Thank you, my lovely little assholes. Without your stink, I could not fully appreciate the fresh, floral scent of my rosy life. I only hope that some day, someone more horrible than you comes into your life, some really miserable little shit that you are able to scrape off your shoe, so that you too might experience just a hint of the power that continues to increase in my life. Just a hint.