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2004-11-18

Amazing Read

This is AMAZING. I'm reading back through all of my diaries to extract quotes and details of my life for stories that will translate into scenes of my movie.

I have been so depressed and hopeless in the relationship department. In 1999 I wrote, "I'm more likely to play it safe, never getting to see the possible wonders that await me at the other end of the bridge because I am afraid it will snap under my weight on the way, leaving me to fall into the cold, lonely water beneath it, just to discover that I cannot swim."

I had moments of clarity and breakthrough, like "I realized today that I am obsessed with (blank). God, it just sounds so bad, that word 'obsessed.' But that must be it. I allow his actions to dictate how I feel. And that's not a good thing."

This reliving of my life through rereading my thoughts may just become the most amazing self-analytical and growth adventure I have ever embarked upon. I didn't remember stealing a name from our employee database to ask a guy out. I didn't remember the details of so many crazy situations I got myself into. I didn't remember I was writing my own diary the same way I would write a novel, but it sure does read like one.

I'm reliving emotion, re-experiencing loss and despair, remembering how jaded and doubtful I was of everyone around me. How I schemed to make a few people miserable, how I hid my feelings at every turn.

This is amazing. I'm rediscovering my SELF. What I never realized was that when I talked to my diary, I was talking to me. Now, reading it, I'm listening to me. I don't like everything I hear, I'm impressed by other things I hear, but overall, simply listening in this way is the best gift I could have ever given to myself.

-Barbarella

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2007-05-19
NEW SITE!!!!

2007-05-16
Links and Update

2007-05-09
Two Links

2007-05-06
Yes, Even MORE new pictures

2007-05-06
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Amazing Read 2004-11-18 2:08 p.m. This is AMAZING. I'm reading back through all of my diaries to extract quotes and details of my life for stories that will translate into scenes of my movie.

I have been so depressed and hopeless in the relationship department. In 1999 I wrote, "I'm more likely to play it safe, never getting to see the possible wonders that await me at the other end of the bridge because I am afraid it will snap under my weight on the way, leaving me to fall into the cold, lonely water beneath it, just to discover that I cannot swim."

I had moments of clarity and breakthrough, like "I realized today that I am obsessed with (blank). God, it just sounds so bad, that word 'obsessed.' But that must be it. I allow his actions to dictate how I feel. And that's not a good thing."

This reliving of my life through rereading my thoughts may just become the most amazing self-analytical and growth adventure I have ever embarked upon. I didn't remember stealing a name from our employee database to ask a guy out. I didn't remember the details of so many crazy situations I got myself into. I didn't remember I was writing my own diary the same way I would write a novel, but it sure does read like one.

I'm reliving emotion, re-experiencing loss and despair, remembering how jaded and doubtful I was of everyone around me. How I schemed to make a few people miserable, how I hid my feelings at every turn.

This is amazing. I'm rediscovering my SELF. What I never realized was that when I talked to my diary, I was talking to me. Now, reading it, I'm listening to me. I don't like everything I hear, I'm impressed by other things I hear, but overall, simply listening in this way is the best gift I could have ever given to myself. Roto Rooter - 2004-11-20 01:30:27
Hello Madam, I am here to unclog your toilet. It seems to be full of shi-.
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Barbarella - 2004-11-20 03:13:06
That's a good one, beh beh... I think I'll write it down. Thanks for taking the time! xx, whatever I'm full of, I'm lovin' every bit!
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