My neck and shoulders still hurt a little. But it's not that bad, not half as bad as it has been over the last few days. So it's Monday. For most of us that means, back to work or school or whatever our routines may be. For me, that began yesterday, for Sunday is my Monday and Tuesday is my Friday. So I guess that would make today like a kind of Wednesday, right smack dab in the middle. Hump.

I'm taking my love on a surprise date this Friday night. Alright, so the dinner part is not a surprise, but seeing as we eat out so infrequently nowadays, I wanted to make sure he had a say in the choice of restaurant. I'm looking forward to it.

My Easter weekend was not without the typical drama and stress that is inherent with large family get-togethers. But Saturday, down at my Mom's house, I gave myself over to the chaos and had a really great time. The kids were dancing and singing and simply being adorable, the adults were laughing and talking and reminiscing about growing up in Brooklyn.

Yesterday though, the actual Easter day, I stayed home to work. My mother said, "What about the Easter Bunny?" She's always so thoughtful, I know she had put something together for me and David. I said, "The Easter Bunny doesn't come for atheists, Mom." Someone piped up, "The Easter Bunny is pagan." But I'm not a pagan either. In the end, it doesn't matter what I am or what I believe, because my mother is just being generous and thoughtful, and I won't refuse her gestures. But I still had to work, so I will collect the bunny's gift another day.

I'm pensive. I'm considering the issues of guilt and obligation most people feel and wondering if the fact that I am feeling less and less of those things makes me a bad person somehow. As though guilt and obligation are the traits of a saint, of someone who always does for others. But wouldn't that make me a martyr? Doing good things out of a sense of obligation and duty rather than out of some joyous urge to give and help?

Being around my family always raises these issues for me. It is a balance, living true to yourself and still trying to satisfy the expectations of loved ones. Lately, I seem to be tipping the scale toward the former, for better or worse.

-Barbarella

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