�We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started, and know the place for the first time.� � T.S. Eliot

Things are starting to look familiar around here, as I begin to encounter myself again and again, in various stages of thought. It�s so hard to see all the threads I wish to follow, all the thoughts and feelings I wish to develop, but if I go too far down any one of them, overwhelming frustration with the small probability that I�ll ever actually GET it, that anything will ever be CLEAR, collapses in on me; without a light at the end of the tunnel, I don�t know which way to go. I wrestle with the notion that if I want to get anywhere, I need to stop looking so hard, and begin to feel my way along these corridors. Where did all this come from, Barbarella? As we are embarking on a wonderful weekend, why the preoccupation and the furrowed brow?

An email from someone I love, someone who frustrates me beyond belief, one whose language of life and love is so distorted from mine, so different in dialect, that no matter how loud I shout, no matter how I gesticulate and groan, enunciate and stress, my clear messages are always received as if they just passed through Alice�s Looking Glass. Backwards, twisted, tattered, darker, cruel-intentioned. I try to think of ways to communicate better , ways to demonstrate my language, to teach it, because I can speak that distorted version, but I choose not to, and the last thing I want to do is slip into my native tongue because it is just so� easy�to� do. Sigh. Okay, enough. This is something I can mull over subconsciously while typing mindless interrogatories. No need to drag you in.

Last night was wonderfully mellow, an annual Halloween gathering at Sunshine�s, with friends and lovers, tasty food (scary food), laughter, and my favorite dish -- sarcastic frosting dripping off of every tongue, in the most loving of ways, I�m sure. Ah, friends.

Tonight, the Honey Bee Hive. I will be costumed, I will be bringing accoutrements for my costume. This party better not suck � you hear that, Fizgig? Play that funky music, white boy, because I�m Coming Out and this Super Freak wants to shake her Groove Thang, yeah yeah! Fabulous. Tomorrow morning, Ronaldo and I hit the road. That�s right, my biznitches, we be going to LAAAAHS VEGAS! Should be a fun time. Sin City will embrace us, I�m sure, as we arrive to stay at The Palace , and attend a private function � ooh, la la! I wonder if I get a hooker with the suite. Golly gee willickers, you think that�s a possibility? Gosh, I hope so!

So have a wonderful weekend, and I will return with updates, and hopefully the crazy stories I come back with won�t involve blood (though I�m prepared for anything at this point). Spooky.

-Barbarella

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