If I had any humor left in me this morning, I would think this is comical. This day is going to be difficult. I woke up on the right side of the bed, the beautiful, smiling face of my lover greeting me as I opened my eyes, comfortable, happy, feeling less pain in my face than I have for days � the perfect way to start the day. So why is it going to be so difficult? I knew when I stepped foot in my office this morning, when I saw the dirty coffee mugs and paper strewn haphazardly on every surface area of MY desks. I knew when I turned on my computer and didn�t recognize my monitor; even after calling in IT help, I cannot get it back to normal, back to the way I had it. MY things have been used, MY office has been messed up, and don�t get me started on all of the files and notes and messages� I really didn�t think that two days out of the office would create this monstrous back-up of things to do. It was supposed to be slow, these days I was gone. Seems like it was for everyone else, whoever was using my office has been to a million web sites, none of them possibly work-related.

Everyone is grating on my last nerve. The receptionist buzzes me, as I�m sifting through papers and trying to organize files dumped in here, as my brows furrow, as I freak, I get to hear on my speaker phone, �So, did they cut you? Do you have stitches? Did you save your teeth? Are you swollen? Come show us!!� There�s no way she did not feel my glare on the phone before I lifted and dropped the receiver without a word, cutting off the voice. I want to crawl back into M.s.�s bed and bury my face in the covers! I have to believe that I can get through this difficult day, because I�m questioning my abilities right now. A coworker, a friend, just came in here to tell me about her weekend and I sent her away. I need to be alone and undisturbed to figure this shit out. I know� I�ll close the door! I�ve NEVER closed the door in this office, oh God, it would feel so good! I�m going to close it. Then I can get shit done and take things one step at a time and not be bothered by all of these PEOPLE.

Anyway, an update for you, my dears, if you care to know after my little bitch-sesh. Speaking of �bitch,� that�s just about all you need to know of my healing process. Friday morning, I went under, enjoying the Nitrous as much as possible before succumbing to its powers, the next few days are a blur. All I know is, I am a fucking pussy when it comes to pain in my head. I know I whined, I know I cried, I know I bitched and moaned. M.s. took it all like a champ, listening to my complaints, waiting on my needs, nursing me back to normal. If there was no pain involved, this would have been my ideal vacation � boy to wait on me hand and foot. Sigh.

I�m okay. My face is hardly swollen anymore (just a little), and the pain is a dull throbbing (ouchie) on the lower left side of my head. I HATE the dentist. But I know that when this all heals, I�ll be so much better. I hope it heals soon. I met with my learning team last night, three other women who will be giving a presentation with me at the end of this class. I�ll write more about them later, all lovely, nice people, and I�m glad to have them in my group. I almost killed myself with a taquito, first hard food I tried in four days, man, but it was almost worth it too. Today I�m sticking to soup. I just can�t chance any more pain for a little while, it may just drive me insane.

Alright, closing the door! Getting to work! The next person who approaches me is going to hear this, in my most upbeat and energetic-happy tone of voice, �Hey, do you know how they say �fuck-off� in Germany? Ha, me neither, go figure!� and then, I will turn around and give them my back. Japanese dishonor for EVERYONE who dares to congest my already full and difficult day.

-Barbarella

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