I used to have a crush on this guy. Then we became friends, and over time, as I got to know him, and more importantly, got to know myself, the crush ebbed away, leaving the underlying friendship. This guy is still my friend, and a great one at that. But until the last few weeks, it had been 4 years since we hung out on a regular basis.

I don't know why I feel weird around him. Like we don't relate as much as we used to. I just moved into the same complex. He's been a doll, helping me move, helping me decorate, all giving. I'm so conscious of making sure he doesn't get the impression that I'm taking advantage, or using him in any way.

But here's the problem: He's got a poker face. He never reveals what's on his mind. And I don't know where my insecurity is coming from, but I take silence as judgement. If he's not sharing, then there's a reason for that, I think. Of course, I know I'm neurotic, and have the uncanny ability to create entire worlds and lifetimes from a glance or a word, but I can usually read people. And the fact that I can't read this one just makes me uncomfortable. I think I'm going to mention that to him.

I'm into giving people the benefit of the doubt lately, because I can't resent them fairly until I've given them some kind of chance. And I'm DYING to resent someone. tee hee.

I appreciate the friend that I have in him. He's the first person I know to go out of his way for someone else in any situation. But as for every other aspect of friendship, I guess that'll take some time.

-Barbarella

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