I�m feeling so together today, so much more motivated, full of direction. I�ll never miss another meditation. Sitting there last night, the speaker asked us to look at our lives, where we feel fear, where we feel that there is a decision that needs to be made in order for us to move to the next step on our paths.

Several came to my mind. I�ve been stagnant. The first thought, though, was work. I�ve been allowing distraction and drama to keep me from being the amazing professional I know I can be. Why was I doing it? It only hurt me in the long run, financially and psychologically, this not caring I�ve been stuck in. This �it will all work itself out� mentality. Machines don�t work themselves, they are operated by people. It�s the same with my life. Yes, I can let things guide me, and allow and accept things to happen as they will.

But that does not mean that I am helpless. That does not mean that I�m unable to steer this car of mine on the road of life. So I decided to do just that, step on the accelerator and make a sharp turn. And I feel great about it. I�m always so afraid to get things done, personally and professionally, like I don�t want to deal with what it takes to just get things done. But each time I fall into that, once I break free, and start knocking things off my list, I feel so unbelievably elated. So relieved, and eventually, exuberant.

In the end, it is only us who hold us back. Our doubts, our worries, our fears of things that haven�t even happened, but �might� happen. That�s not where I want to linger. That spot is miserable, it�s detrimental to everything I love about myself.

So, now I�m on the ball at work. And feeling great about it. This attitude will only naturally spill over to other aspects of my life, areas where there are things to get done, things that I need to do, and want to do, but haven�t done for my own, stupid reasons. I was reminded (somewhere inside we all know this originally) that everything starts with an intrinsic sense of self-worth. Not doing anything makes me feel unworthy, unaccomplished, and that�s just a spiral that feeds itself on the way down.

But put some light in there, even a spark, and it has the potential to shine up and out, illuminating not only itself, but everything that comes within its vision.

-Barbarella

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