Okay, WHAT? A pig�s HEART growing on a sheep�s NECK??? Holy shit. Welcome to yet another freaky advancement in biotechnology. Yesterday I read about a Japanese scientist who invented an invisible cloak� look it up, I don�t feel like digging around for the link, but WOW. We�re so ahead of ourselves, it�s hard for me to keep up with all of the ideas, let alone what�s actually being accomplished NOW. Whoa, Nellie. Holy Freak-shit-fuck-nut.

I am the STAR pupil of my class. Last night was FANTASTIC. I turned in a great paper (teacher got a good look at them and gave us each a little feedback before taking them home to grade more extensively), I came up with ideas quickly for a group activity, making ours the most creative, colorful, and demonstrative of the topic (each member thanked me profusely after our work of art was praised by teacher and class), I was the only person who gave the textbook definition of �groupthink� and teacher thanked me for my comprehensive examples. GOD, that felt good. It felt good to be involved. It felt good to be on track, it drove me to do even better, to keep up the pace and stay on top of everything. I was the only person in my group who did all the reading.

Let�s just face it, I�m a nerd, and I couldn�t be prouder of myself right now.

In other news, I still have STITCHES in my mouth. They poke into my cheek, my gums, they make it impossible to chew (which is actually a nice catalyst for eating healthier � I�ve recently learned that most soft foods are healthier than hard foods, like oatmeal for breakfast instead of bagels, soup for lunch instead of sandwich or burrito, but I will never give up my pasta. Hell no. I feel GOOD. I haven�t smoked in� 46 days. And I haven�t wanted to. It�s like I can feel my SKIN breathing easier, it�s hard to explain, but I can just feel it. I�m in love. I�m alive. All of my senses are in overdrive. I can�t remember feeling this good in the past without obsessing over when my good would all be taken away.

I�m not obsessing now. If any of my good is taken away, I will replace it with other good. It may take time, but I trust myself to rise to the occasion. I can�t remember ever trusting myself. This feels good .

-Barbarella

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