ďWhen you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other.Ē - Chinese proverb
Iím annoyed with people again. Well, I guess I usually am, on some level, always annoyed by people, but sometimes, it surfaces and the annoyance is prevalent in my mind. I judge people, you know. I look at what theyíre doing, I listen to what theyíre saying, and I draw conclusions, and then I judge them based on those conclusions. Itís not the saintly thing to do, and I loathe being judged myself, I do see the hypocrisy, but alas, I just canít help myself. Those things about me that I want to change, things that I see that I donít want to be, those are the things that I judge and look down upon. Other traits that Iíd like to adopt, characteristics that I admire, things I understand and identify with, well, those are the things that I accept and watch closely. The rest, they are difficult to watch, and even more difficult to understand. Not because itís hard TO understand them, but more because sometimes, itís hard to accept just how MUCH I DO understand, and why.
Had enough of that cryptic, bitchy, and yet somehow insightful attitude? Me too. Last night was relaxing. After visiting M.s. for a spell, I headed home to make dinner for Dad. Iím so domestic. Baked chicken, egg noodles, green beans, and to top it all off... I baked cookies for dessert. Sure, they came in a roll with that freaky doughboy waving at me from the packaging, but I scooped them, I put them on that cookie sheet, and by Dog I BAKED those fuckers until the chocolate chips melted in our mouths. Yummy.
After we tortured ourselves with some reality television (thatís right, on occasion, I check out that paradise hotel show, I like to see that muscular chic cry. She reminds me of someone I know), I went to bed with a great book. Enderís sequel, Speaker for the Dead - I canít put it down! I LOVE Orson Scott Card. Love him. I know that this next class is going to suck every last drop of time I have with research papers and presentations, so I need to read when I can, and thatís now.
Well, not NOW. Right NOW, I have to write a declaration for a lawyer to submit to the court. Then tonight, I will be dining with Zim, to catch up with a good friend at a familiar spot.
Later, I will hold M.s. in my arms and just sit with love. I'm lucky to have so much love in my life. But you know what? Part of me doesn't really believe that it's luck. Part of me believes that I bring it on myself, and that part of me, well, she's very proud of me for bringing so much of it, from just the right people. That part of me thinks it's just fine to dismiss the rest. I'm the first to admit that I'm no Mother Teresa.
I am Barbarella, which is quite enough for me, thank you.