Whoa, Nelly! Yesterday was a test of my resolve. I passed with flying colors at the office, handled one catastrophe after the next, dealt with upset people, stressful deadlines, all kinds of drama. I was cheerfully irritable. I was giddy with stress and annoyance. I was bummed to miss out on three events of the evening because I was still working well after closing time. When I got home, I stood in my room for I don’t know how long. Just staring off into space, stunned, blank, confused. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I couldn’t put a name to the emotion, but it was there, rising like water in a well, its power building, increasing sharply in volume, beginning to boom and shriek like a crescendo played by the LA Philharmonic Orchestra.
I gave into it. I exploded, I whimpered, I cried, I panted, I punched at my legs with closed fists. I could feel my face twisting from expressions of misery to rage to misery again. And I don’t know WHY. Everything my body might have done in reaction to various events throughout my day expressing through me simultaneously. That’s what I get for holding it in. Two weeks of complete bliss and relaxation with the man I love did not actually “prepare” me for yesterday. I finished emoting after just a few minutes. Such a powerful display of emotion would have taken more energy than this being has to last any longer than that.
I wiped my face, straightened myself out and headed over to M.s.’s with dinner. Today is busy, but definitely better. It’s Friday, it has to be. I look forward to the weekend, to celebrate Fizgig’s birthday, to see friends, to relax, to breathe again. My friends are back from Burning Man. The other day I stopped by the newlyweds’ place, they were married by John at Burning Man, in the Temple of Honor. I saw pictures of amazing things they saw and experienced. Very cool! I can’t wait to see more!
So back to work for me. Today, I will take things more in stride, I will drink my water, and I will not hold anything in. I think my “back-to-work-breakdown” is officially over. But man, people really are irritating, aren’t they?