What the fuck? I�m here AGAIN? Some day, things will run smoothly and I won�t loathe getting out of bed. In the meantime, we deal.

In good news: My sister, Heather, was awarded (and surprised) with a Teacher of the Year Award last night during an award ceremony for students that she was presenting for. I don�t know yet if this was a district, state, national, whatever, but it�s still fucking cool. She�s an awesome teacher, young, energetic, passionate, enthusiastic and cool as hell. I mean, she�s my blood, she HAS to be cool. She teaches English and English Honors for junior and senior high school students. That�s always something the two of us (of the 4 of us) shared in common � our love affair with words and books. She just took it to that next level, make this everyone�s love! I couldn�t think that far in advance.

It always boggles my mind that this woman, the same one who coined the term �fuck-off!� so that it sounded like a �Cuck-awe!�, like a bird, while she flapped her arms, this woman who will at random imitate Terrence and Philip with a �Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker!�, is the same woman who is responsible for all those impressionable kids. It�s hysterical. But she works around the clock, preparing and grading, and meeting with students and parents. Inspiring, receiving letters of thanks, a few love letters (which is just adorable), and visits from past students. She deserves this award.

I went to the bank this morning, asking about loans and stuff. Consolidation (I never said I was brilliant when I got all those credit cards at 18), and car loans. I�m sure the lovely woman behind the desk (on which a plaque rested, boasting her 15 years of service with this bank) could tell I had no idea what the fuck I was talking about. �Uh, yes, I would like a loan. What? You need to know what? Oh, what car is it I�m going to get? Am I supposed to know that? You mean, you don�t just give me money?� I�m sure she had a blast with me. She was very nice, though, gave me all the information I needed, and now I just have a lot of work to do to get everything together and get my shit in order.

So I have been invited to go to the Tom Petty concert tonight, for free, with backstage privileges, and I don�t know if I want to. WHAT? What the hell is the matter with you, of COURSE you want to!! Well, that�s just it. I don�t know. I�m not sure that I�m up for a concert and possible partying that would follow a concert. Tomorrow�s Thursday, not Friday, I have two more days to get through before my salvation, before another weekend envelopes me in its warm freedom. If I go out tonight, with these people, I don�t know that I�d be able to say �No� to whatever befalls us. My sister gets back tomorrow. I don�t know, I�ll think about it. I�d feel like such a pussy for not going, but if I don�t feel up for a concert, even if I may get the chance to meet the performers, aren�t I a bigger dork for going? When I don�t feel like it? Then what would I be going for, just to be able to say, �yeah, I met Tom Petty. Cool guy.� I don�t think that would get me very far in life.

I just have to see if I�m in the mood later. If I feel like getting down and partying, then by all means, I�ll go. But if I feel like I do now, a recluse, a hermit, a homebody, then I can�t see myself sitting in the cold air, at night, listening to music for a few hours, when I could be inside somewhere, warm. Just to push it even further by hanging out late, doing God only knows what drugs, just to wake up and come to work for 2 more days and get that sinus infection all over again! Sigh. See what happens when you live in Hollywood for a few years? I got spoiled with all the free invites and star-struck encounters. Spoiled to the point where a book actually may sound better than a possible party with a musician whose work I respect and enjoy. Hmmmm. Or maybe I�m just becoming an old lady. Entering a �down-time� phase. Rejuvenate and then maybe even move back to Hollywood. Who knows? I don�t even know what I want to do tonight.

I need coffee or I�m going to be in this ho-hum mood for the rest of the day!

-Barbarella

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