If I look half as bad as I feel right now� no, not possible. There is no creature in this world that could depict the hideous nature that represents all that I feel. No sleep, too much to drink, exfoliation for the face in the form of stubble. A weird sense of guilt. A bunch of my friends went to Hedonism last night. I didn�t feel up to it, didn�t feel up to staying up late, the whole scene, just wanted a mellow evening. Well, plans always do seem to go awry.

I had a lovely dinner with K, she cooked, whew! I�ve never been good over a grill. We went to the Turf Supper Club, where you cook your own meat on a central grill. It�s fun to watch, but I just don�t trust myself enough to do it. It was delicious. We met up with a friend of hers (new dating interest?) and a few of his friends, starting a band together or something. Headed over to Alibi. Blocks from Hedonism. I ran into a friend from high school, not surprised, it happens everywhere, the city is infested with Bonita Barons.

I had a great time, drinking, talking, meeting new people, everything you could ask for. But I took it too far, too far for ME right now. I don�t want to get into it, which I know must be annoying, but I say here what I feel like sharing, and that�s about as much as I�d like to. I had a great time, like I said. I just need to figure out my limits again, with drinking and men. I�m sure I�ll come to grips before the end of the day, I�m just exhausted and seriously mental. I wish there was a neurosis pill, a chill pill, if you will. I�d take it right now. Alright, waking up, thank God for Diet Coke and its high caffeine content, the carbonation.

Let�s have a flashback, give you more of an idea of my evening. High school acquaintance to my left, okay on the attractive scale, Biologist, intelligent. Band-member on my right, good-looking, smart-ass, funny and intelligent. K said she was leaving. I asked both of the guys if they�d be able to give me a ride home later, because obviously, I was going to stay. They both said yes, and I told them I appreciated that, and would keep them informed. Band-member won.

So, it�s Friday, as if you needed ME to tell you that. Thank God. I want to get through this day with as little pain as possible, get home and take a nap. I�m supposed to go to the movies later later tonight, like an 11pm showing. Wonder if I�ll wake up for it. And tomorrow, I�m supposed to go to LA, party with some friends. Wonder if I�ll be able to. Right now, I�m just going to stop thinking. I do too much of that. I�m going to revel in the fact that I had a great evening, filled with friends and drinks and smiles, and pointed looks, flirtations, attention. And that�s as far as my mind will take me. I'll ponder the rest when I've had rest, and trust me, this is the stuff that goes in my handwritten journal. I'll be writing for awhile tonight.

I need espresso.

-Barbarella

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