The other night, I cracked open a fortune cookie to receive the message, �Everything will come your way now.� What a fucking relief! Without thinking, my reaction was to take it in with a deep breath, and exhale slowly all of the stress that had been building within me. I believed it. That�s that way it works, right? You get to a point where you�re ready to receive, and suddenly, there are things coming your way to give you practice at receiving. I volunteered to make some phone calls for a friend, and within a day, Pixie (my perpetual champion) had referred me to do some work for her company. How great it feels to be able to actually accomplish things for organizations, little things for a big scale, I never realized how important that was to me. Or at least, I had forgotten for a little bit. Or, an ever more realistic possibility, it just was NOT important to me for a period of time and now it is again. They�re called priorities, and oh, how I love to juggle and shuffle them so.

Along with these tasks and interviews, suggestions and recommendations (that other interview was also referred to me by a friend), I almost got recruited the other day. Yup, that�s right. Adult phone sex, tracked me down right to my friggin� cell phone. How�d they get my number? What, I�d be �perfect� for this? Fawning over my phone voice and phone personality, she was cool and sweet and dammit if she wasn�t reeling me in� I could do that. I actually have been on several interviews for JUST that, both in LA and San Diego. But I never followed through with it. Before, it was the hours. This time, well, I was in, I was hooked, and then� she told me the pay. You�re kidding me, right? That�s NOTHING! I could clean a movie theatre for that much money and get to flirt and fuck with people for REAL. Don�t think so, doll-face. Didn�t take me long to get off the phone after that one. But still, flattering, and yes, for the right price, fun. For awhile, I wanted to do it on the side, something to write about. Once I�m working full time, I still may do that (which is why I gave her my address to send me that info one more time).

THEN, I got a packet from a company that wants me to host sex-toy parties for women, you know, like tupperware parties, only with sex products instead. Coming my way, coming my way, just like the fortune said.

Baby stuff is fun, believe it or not. It�s crazy to watch him grow, little Liam. Yesterday, holding him in the cradle position, he turned his head, opened his mouth, and clamped down on my breast, right through my shirt. Fuck it if I wasn�t completely honored. I WANTED to breast-feed. I wanted to be that source of life and love for this little man. Never knew I had all this maternal instinct in me. Good to know, good to know. So, I guess one of these days, I�ll be popping out one of my own. Not for a few years (or 10), don�t get me wrong. I have much to do before that time, but at least now I know I�d like to end up there, �that time�, the time I want to breed. The world needs my offspring, it�s got to have it. Or maybe I�m just getting that twinge of desire for immortality that I see possible in a child. Crazy thoughts, crazy!

People. Speaking of people, I would just like to give you a definition here, for the word, �selfish�. According to Miriam Online, the definition is: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one�s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others. I�m working real hard on not coming from a selfish place in all the things I do and say, while at the same time not compromising my �self�. Think about it. It just got to a point where I was too hypocritical, secretly resenting people around me for their transparent intentions without ever examining my own. We�re all selfish to a degree. The important ingredient to taking care of yourself without being selfish is that last part of the definition � having regard for others.

Something I�m working on, I suggest you all take a look at it. Because I don�t see any freakin� Mother Teresa�s out there. Be good for the sake of being good. Trust me, it spreads like wildfire, and it�s also contagious. Stop worrying about when you�ll �get yours�. You�ve already got more than enough. It�s time to give. And THAT is my �preach of the day�. This has been, again, the word of the Barb. Go in peace, my brothers and sisters.

And no, I haven�t joined a fucking cult. I�m just having an epileptic perspective attack. It's all good.

-Barbarella

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